DRIVING RAIN

 

Wiper’s swish

Expelling the rain drops

Heater whirls

Expelling heat to clear the mist

Headlights burn

Expelling darkness and fear

It’s a dirty night

But the doggers will be here

MUSICAL FUSION

 

There’s a new music fad or fashion

A genre of Swedish/Australian fusion

They play Dancing Queen and Waterloo

On the wobble board and the didgeridoo

I don’t know if it will catch on at all

They call the music Abbariginal

A STIFF DRINK

 

Viagra may soon be available in liquid form,

And will assist the flaccid when it’s done

By making it possible for a man to perform

By literally pouring himself a stiff one

DEFYING GRAVITY # 2

With so many treatments for erectile dysfunction

In future there will be a large octogenarian population

Of grandpas with erections to answer grandma’s prayers

Who can’t even remember why they went upstairs

THE FULL ENGLISH

 

I like the full English

When it comes to breakfast

Something substantial

For a satisfaction that will last

None of that continental rubbish

All foreign and nasty

And what’s the deal with a croissant

It’s nothing but an empty pasty

DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE

 

Bimbette was out for a stroll by the river

And was enjoying the walk in the countryside

When she saw Peaches on the opposite bank

“Hi Peachy how do I get to the other side?”

Peaches looked at her with a puzzled expression

“You’re already there silly” she replied

BREATHE THROUGH IT

 

A young woman had a panic attack

A side effect of British Railways

My wife and I went to her aid

But I struggled to avert my gaze

From her heaving chesticles

“Big breaths” my wife instructed her

I was still staring at her puppies, and said

“No, but beautifully pert would-be fare”