Don’t throw me on the scrap heap
Just because I’m old
I still have talent
and skills to offer
If I may be so bold
My talent is called multi-tasking
Or so I’ve been led to
believe
And I can
simultaneously wet myself
And laugh, cough, fart
and sneeze
Friday, 28 January 2022
DON’T THROW ME ON THE SCRAP HEAP
LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD
A breath of fresh air
Comes our way
As he struts the stage
Like JFK
And talks the talk
Like Martin Luther
King
As he galvanizes
allies
From either wing
He holds our hopes
In his African
American hands
Let’s hope he fulfils
All his promised plans
And that Barack Obama
The young congressman
Leads us as President
To Dr Kings promised
land
HONEYMOON ADVICE
On your wedding night
And you are nervous
And full of trepidations
Don’t sit up all night
Awaiting the arrival
Of your sexual relations
MIRROR, MIRROR
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Am I the loveliest of
them all?
Mirror, mirror tell me
for sure
To stop me feeling
insecure
Mirror, mirror hanging
there
You needn’t tell me I
look fair
Let me think that I
look slim
So I can look good for
him
Mirror, mirror on the
wall
Tell me that my bum is
small
Mirror, mirror looking
glass
Tell me that’s not all my arse
I WOULD IF I COULD
I would if I could
But I can’t so I
shan’t
How good if I should
But I can’t which I
grant
If I could I know I
would
But I can’t so I
shan’t
Oh, how good if I
should
But I chant I can’t, I
can’t
CAT BOY
My son is like a cat
There’s no doubt of
that
All day long he sleeps
While the daylight
seeps
Then with a few cat licks
He hits the pavement
bricks
And stays out all
night
Returning at first
light
To where he resides
And when he slinks
inside
Without a single word
He brings with him a
tatty bird
OLD MAN IN THE MIRROR
If when you look in the mirror
And you see NO beer
belly
NO complexion like
cracked leather
NO bald head or nose
like a strawberry
If when you look in the
mirror
And it doesn’t look
like you have three arses
Or have varicose veins
on your lily-white legs
Then you need to wear
glasses
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