A BRIGHT SPARK

 

Dave wanted to take a few days off

But he had already used all his holidays

So he thought if he acted mad

He might get sent home for a few days

 

So he hung upside down from a light fitting

And made a selection of funny noises

Blonde Bimbette the office temp,

Asked him what on earth he was doing

“I’m pretending to be a light bulb”

He said “In this ceiling light array

So the Boss will think I’m mad

And send me home for a few days”

 

Then the boss came in to the office

And asked what the hell he was doing

He told him “I’m a light bulb of course”

As he hung upside down from a light fitting

 

The boss said he was suffering from stress

And should go home for a few days

So he jumped down from the ceiling

And left the office for his bonus holidays

 

Then Bimbette the temp headed for the door

“Where are you going?" the boss had to ask

"Well I'm going home too” she replied

“You can’t expect me to work in the dark”

MENOPAUSAL MONITOR

 

George was unhappy

With his wife’s erratic mood swings

And his work mates

Told him of the benefit s of mood rings

So, he went out a bought one

So, he might monitor her mood

He had his reservations

And he thought the idea quite crude

But when she was in a good mood

The stone in the ring turned bright red

And when in a bad mood

It left a huge bruise on his forehead

He came to the conclusion

That he would throw away the mood ring

And try a new tack

Such as buying her a diamond ring

FEELING DOWN

 

I find at times life gets me down a bit

And I get depressed I must admit

I’m not the only one that is sometimes down

And I try to make a smile out of a frown

But lately my mood had been very black

And I knew I must try to get my life back

I thought the Samaritans can help if anyone can 

So, I called and got a call centre in Pakistan

I explained that I called them for my survival

because I was low, and I was feeling suicidal

I was surprised at their response to my blues

Because they were very excited at my news

And they proceeded to try and ascertain

If I could drive a truck or fly a plane

A GOOD EXERCISE

 

Exercise is a good thing

Pushing your body physically

It can take many forms

I like cycling particularly

I like golf and swimming

I like long walks, especially

When they are taken by
People who annoy me

ROMAN CERES

 

Roman Ceres

Guardian of the harvest

Goddess of the corn

Mother of Proserpina

Goddess of fertility

Protector of matrimony

NO MATTER WHAT LIFE THROWS YOUR WAY

No matter what life throws your way

The future is the cure for all sorrow

And the nicest thing about the future is

That it will always start tomorrow

AN OSTRICH'S EYE IS BIGGER

An ostrich's eye is bigger

Than its brain, apparently

I have known quite a few

People afflicted similarly