IT'S GREAT TO BE A MAN

 

It's Great to Be a Man when

We are in need of refreshment

Because we never have to drive

To another service establishment

Because the toilets at the last one

Smelt just a little bit unpleasant

Q & A AGAIN

 

Now I’m getting on yearly

I know all the answers nearly

It’s an irrelevant suggestion

As nobody asks the question

THE LABORS OF HERACLES # 02: THE HYDRA

 

Heracles when driven mad by the goddess Hera

Murdered his three children and his wife Megara

The Delphic oracle punished him for the murders

By ordering him to perform the Twelve Labors

The labors were set by his cousin king Eurystheus

For His second labor he needed his nephew Iolaus

Because his task was to kill the many headed Hydra

Which was known to dwell in the swamps of Lerna

It’s not clear exactly how many heads it possessed

Some claim they know but mostly they only guess

What was known by those who looked it in the face

When you cut off a head two more grew in its place

If that wasn’t enough the Hydra's breath was lethal

To smell its footprints was enough to kill a mortal

He sought out the fearsome monster in its own lair

He forced it into the open with fire arrows in the air

But then the fight began to go in the Hydra's favor

Twining its heads around him despite his endeavor

Hydra called upon an ally, a huge crab for assistance

The crab bit Him on the heel sapping his resistance

On the verge of failure things looked bad for Heracles

He called Iolaus the son of his twin brother Iphicles

Iolaus who had driven Heracles to Lerna in his chariot

Looked on in anxiety as his uncle was tied in a knot

With Heracles tangled Iolaus rushed in to save the day

Grabbing a burning torch and dashing into the fray

So, cutting the hydra’s heads off was Heracles aim

And Iolaus would sear the wounded neck with flame

This prevented and further heads from sprouting

So, Heracles cut off the heads with Iolaus cauterizing

Finally, Heracles lopped off the one immortal head

Burying it deep below a rock to ensure it was dead

SWINGERS

Two couples decided to swing

And swapped partners to play

“That was the best sex ever”

Hugo said afterwards to Ray

His friend agreed and added

“I wonder if the girls are ok”

NEW ABODE

 

At the weekend, a friend of mine

Moved into a new house

And not wanting to visit

Empty handed I used a bit of nouse

And bought her a gift

I knew that she couldn’t resent

A couple of small radiators

As a little housewarming present

TRANSFUSION CONFUSION

Scientists have completed a study

And transfusions of Chicken blood

Are more beneficial medically

 

The positive side effects are that

It tends to make the men cocky

And women lay more regularly

BLEAK FORECAST

There was Snow in the forecast!

And the TV weather girl said

“I’m expecting 8 inches tonight”

I thought to myself, “what a big head”

And anyway, with a face like that

She’d need her vibrator instead