SCIENCE’S

If it is green or it squirms, it’s Biology 

If it smells or burns, then its Chemistry 

If it doesn't work, it’s a Physics theory 

CAN WORK WONT WORK

Now here is an opinion

That really makes good sense

People are always

Available for work in the past tense

SIMPLY PHILOSOPHICAL # 3

 

For a good and happy life, you should

Abstain from wine, women, and song

On the whole it seems good advice

But of the three I would give up song

FRUSTRATED FELINE

 

When your cat has just fallen asleep

Curled on your lap purring contentedly

And looking utterly adorable and sweet

You have to go to the bathroom suddenly

INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY

 

The information you have is not what you want

The information you want is not what you require

The information you require is not what you can get

The information you can get costs more than you desire

LEGAL ARGUMENT’S

 

You must argue the facts when the law is against you

You must argue the law when the facts are against you

Call the other lawyer names when both are against you

AND HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

 

I remember many years ago in the days of Saturday night variety when the TV schedules weren’t filled with programs comprising almost totally of has-beens and nobodies.

The has-beens trying to rekindle their flagging careers by humiliating themselves on national TV by performing like tamed circus animals and the nobodies humiliating themselves through a lack of any kind of talent on an endless stream of repackaged 21^st century “Talent” shows.

One of the great shows of those far off days was The Two Ronnie’s and the reason it has come to mind is one particular gag which was one of the items in their regular closing routine when they would read out spoof news items. Now the one that has come to mind is about a woman who raised a family one handed while waiting for directory enquires.

Well, I know that the old and much maligned directory enquires no longer exist and that we now have a myriad of enquiry services which were set up to break BT’s monopoly which in all honesty has done no one much of a service at all.

In fact, they just seem to exist to add to the ever-growing number of call centres, which have pervaded our everyday lives there should be enough to keep our 21^st century gag writers busy for years.

Waiting for British Gas to phone back for example in fact waiting for British Gas to anything should furnish enough humour for a mini series.

Of course, the new curse of the age is the overseas call center chiefly the Indian variety.

I had a call yesterday from a young woman who spoke like Madur Jaffrey and claimed to be named Jane Smith.

Now I come to mention it there was a Jane smith who accompanied the Jon Pertwee incarnation of Dr Who perhaps it was here.

I’ve also been called, in the last two weeks, by Andy, Steve, Jason, Michael and Owen then only ten minutes ago by Rachel Hunter.

I don’t know what she was selling I just said if you’re Rachel Hunter then I’m Pierce Brosnan and hung up.

I have heard, although it could just be an urban myth, that the staff has daily briefing where they get updated on the UK weather forecast, news bulletins and the current plot lines of Eastenders and Coronation Street.

Now I struggle to follow Enders and Corrie myself so I cant imagine it makes any sense at all if you haven’t seen it.

All of this does seem to beg the question that if there is nothing fundamentally wrong with operating call center’s overseas why do they go to such great lengths to convince us they are somewhere in Britain.