HAVE A NICE DAY

 

“Have a nice day” he said

And I smiled at him

But I had a dreadful day

So natural I sued him

LAW IS LIKE THE FAMILY BUSINESS

 

Law is like the family business

And that includes my Niece

She is a Corrections Officer

With the Grammar Police

MY UNCLE GOT CAUGHT STEALING AGAIN

 

My uncle got caught stealing again

It’s an occupation hazard by and large

This time it was luxury toilet rolls

And he pleaded quilty to the charge

IF LAWYERS CAN BE DISBARRED # 2

 

If Lawyers can be disbarred

Can dustmen be well disposed?

Or can tour guides be detoured

And must models be deposed?

IF LAWYERS CAN BE DISBARRED # 1

 

If Lawyers can be disbarred

then will fishermen be debated?

Will magicians be disillusioned?

And politicians denominated?

PARLIAMENT ENACT THE LAWS

 

Parliament enacts the Laws

To legislate our behaviour

Police officers patrol the streets

To enforce the law

Then the court system shows us

The error of our ways

Well, that’s the theory anyway

Politicians call the tunes

And the police cherry pick

The laws that they enforce

And the crown prosecution service

Take only the cases they can win

Or that make them look good

And all three elements

Play to the media

THE DIVORCE COURT JUDGE SAID

 

The divorce Court Judge said “Mr. Curtis,

I have decided to give your wife £500 a week”

“That’s very fair, your honour,' Mr Curtis said

“I can manage a few quid myself at a squeak”

MY SOLICITOR SAID

 

My solicitor said

That he would get me

A very good Barrister

 

“I don’t need” I said

“Someone making coffee 

Just get me a lawyer”

DRUNK AT THE BAR

 

A drunk was brought before the judge.

The judge said as he was walked in

"You've been brought before me for drinking."

And the drunk said, "Great, I’ll have a gin"

JUSTITIA

 

Justitia, or lady justice

Matronly Goddess

Stands for fairness

Validating justice

Sanctifying the law

A figure of trust

 

Before the court

She stands

Blindfolded

To mete out justice

Without fear of favour

Equality for all

In the eyes of the law

Impartiality

 

In Justitia’s left hand

The measuring balances

The scales of justice

Weighing the evidence

For and against

Support and opposition

Guilt and innocent

 

Justitia, in her right hand

Holds the sword

The symbol of power

Of reason and justice

A double edge sword,

The sword of justice

The nemesis sword

To be wielded for or against

Retribution or vengeance

 

Justitia, is a fraud

Justice is not blind

Rip off the blindfold

From the bitch’s eyes

She is not blind

She has no impartiality

She is the establishment

The ruling order

Her principled scales

Don’t measure justice

Only a rich man’s coin

And her noble sword

The sword of justice

The nemesis sword

Is used to smite the weak

THE CANINE ESTABLISHMENT

 

An important element of

The Canine establishment

Is the Dog Constabulary

Known as Paw enforcement

MY MOTHER IS JUDGE AND JURY

 

My mother is judge and jury

In our domestic establishment

She ensures we all do our bit

It’s known as Chore enforcement

LAW IS LIKE THE FAMILY BUSINESS

 

Law is like the family business

And that includes my Niece

She is a Corrections Officer

With the Grammar Police

COMPENSATION CULTURE

 

You can sue for anything nowadays

You can get your day in court in any number of ways

Discrimination, personal injury or hurt feelings

Contentious boundary disputes or dodgy dealings

Malicious damage and common assault as well

Happily suing the neighbors from hell

Unlawful arrest or false imprisonment

There is no one lawyers won’t represent

The compensation culture is becoming contagious

Unscrupulous Lawyers make a mint being litigious

The solicitors say “no win no fee”

While rubbing their greasy hands with glee

We are sadly all part of the compensation culture

Where the lawyers are the compensation vulture

PUBLIC INQUIRY

 

Our venerable leader Tony Blair

Stood smiling in the media glair

Andrew Gilligan stood by his story

As the PM lied to Liberal and Tory

The Alasdair Campbell dossier lied

And poor David Kelly was crucified

At the BBC Greg Dyke resigned as D.G.

Tony Blair smiled a bit too smugly

He wanted a way to keep the truth hid

That’s what the Hutton whitewash did

PROFESSIONALS

Doctors, dentists, lawyers

And all that professional lot

Are only ever on time for appointments

When you're not

SACHNUSSEN’S LAW

 

If someone owns some land

Is there some rule or law?

To determine if they own it

All the to the earth’s core

LEGAL ARGUMENT’S

 

You must argue the facts when the law is against you

You must argue the law when the facts are against you

Call the other lawyer names when both are against you

DOG OR CUR

If you find a dead lawyer in the road

With a dead dog

You will find skid marks leading

Towards the dog

THE COURT OF HUMAN RIGHTS

 

The court of human rights recently made their final ruling in regard to the British law, which prohibits the right of convicted or sentenced prisoners from voting in elections.

The court in its infinite wisdom has ruled that the British state cannot withdraw the right to vote from any citizen for any reason.

To my mind however to cast your vote is not a right but a privilege and when you have been convicted of a crime you have no consideration for the rights and privileges of the victim of your crime or any respect for society as a whole or its offices and institutions.

Therefore, it is only right and proper that when incarcerated you should lose your privileges.