A Little Bit Of Humour # 161

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 395

Saturday's child
Works hard for its living,
(So clearly not a benefit scrounger)

ARE YOU WEARING RED? # 2

Are you wearing red?
To signify the party you’re in
Well done, congratulations
You made a decision Mr Corbyn

THE MOST DEPRESSING THING ABOUT TENNIS

The most depressing thing about Tennis
Is that no matter how well I hit the ball
And how much time I spend practising,
I'm never going to be as good as the wall

MY WIFE AND I ALWAYS COMPROMISE

My wife and I always compromise
That’s the secret to being happy
Our compromise is, that I admit
I'm wrong and she agrees with me

ONE DAY A COMPUTER

One day a computer
Actually beat me at chess,
I didn’t take it well,
I was a total mess
So we had a rematch
To go tit for tat
But he was no match for me
With a baseball bat

TIMES ARE BAD AND GETTING WORSE

Times are bad and getting worse
And I’m shocked at the severity
As the light at the end of the tunnel
Has been turned off due to austerity

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

Everything happens for a reason,
Is the generally accepted view
Unfortunately you must admit
That sometimes the reason is you

BLACK WIDOW SPIDERS KILL THEIR MALES

Black Widow spiders kill their males
After mating, before the afterglow starts
And the reason for that is quite simple
It’s to stop the snoring before it starts

EYES BIGGER THAN MY BELLY

Eyes bigger than my belly
Especially for cake and jelly
My appetite no one could stifle
After I got an eye full of trifle

I HAD A “GRUMPY OLD MAN” MUG

I had a “grumpy old man” mug
And my grandchildren got it
But I turned into a “Grumpy old man”
When I accidentally smashed it

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 396

The child that's born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay
(my wife is Sundays child, so I would have to dissagree)

ARE YOU WEARING SHAMROCK?

Are you wearing shamrock?
And Patrick is patron saint, but why?
Did he drive the snakes out of Ireland?
Or did he just have a great PR guy?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 386

Harlequin ladybird, fly away home
Your kind are not welcome here
So get your Harlequin spotted arse
Back to where you belong in Asia

ARE YOU WEARING CLAM DIGGERS?

Are you wearing clam diggers?
How very beachcomber of you
However inappropriate, given
The fact seafood makes you spew

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 5

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Contrary to the rumour, are not dead
But are doing an Elizabethan tribute act
At the Edinburgh Fringe instead