A Little Bit Of Humour # 154

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 388

Twinkle, Twinkle, little star
I think there’s something wrong
Because you have the same tune
As that annoying Alphabet Song

ARE YOU WEARING YELLOW?

Are you wearing yellow?
A brave choice for one so sallow
With thick wrinkled skin like a Tangelo
But for all that you seem quite mellow
So why are you wearing yellow?
Oh, you’re that Vince Cable fellow

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 7

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
I can confirm are deceased no more
Though close enough, as they are
Hosting Bake Off on Channel 4

THERE IS GREAT HUMOUR TO BE FOUND # 1

There is great humour to be found
Among the numerous Americans
But for me the funniest of them all
Have got to be the Punsylvanians

I WAS ASKED WHO I WANTED

I was asked who I wanted
To celebrate my birthday
My answer was as easy as ABC
“Anyone but Chardonnay”

LAST NIGHT I UPDATED

Last night I updated
My social media profile
But my wife didn’t
Like my picture style
In fact she said I looked
Like a paedophile

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 397

Molly, my sister and I fell out,
And what do you think it was all about?
Well I loved Miranda and so did she
And she made Miranda cheat on me

ACCEPTED WISDOM IT WOULD SEEM

Accepted wisdom it would seem
Proclaims there’s no “I” in team
So that must mean that Teamwork
Will inevitably make the dream work

CARRIER BAG, CARRIER BAG

Am I the only one,
Is it really only me?
That has a carrier bag
Hanging purposefully
Dedicated for the use as
A carrier bag repository

CITIZENS OF WESTERN DEMOCRACY’S

Citizens of Western democracy’s
Will cross the world to fight for it
But are so disinterested that they
Won't cross the street to vote for it

AT WHAT POINT DO MISTAKES

At what point do
Mistaken repetitions
Made over time
Become traditions

HE WAS HARD AS NAILS

He was hard as nails,
And the man terrified me
His reputation is the fact,
Supported by Testimony,
That he once jogged home
After having a vasectomy

I HAVE GIVEN UP SEX FOR LENT # 3

I have given up sex for Lent
Which is to some small extent
An empty gesture on my part
As to stop I’d first need to start

A VOYAGE ROUND MY FATHER (5)

I’m from a big Family
And my dad said to me
“Your brother is going to Italy
With his new lady”
I said “Oh really, Genoa?”
“No I haven’t met her”

BEING IN THE MEDICAL PROFESSION

Being in the medical profession
And being a private practitioner
Is the most tedious, as it requires
More patients than any other

YOU LOOK LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS

“You look like a million dollars”
I told my wife and she was all aglow
I didn’t explain that meant not as good
As she did twenty years ago

HAPPY AS LARRY

Apparently, being Happy as Larry
Means you’re a happy Chappie
But I want to know who Larry is
And whys he so bloody happy