A Little Bit Of Humour # 156

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 390

Monday's child
Is fair of face,
(Well obviously if they don’t look
haggard on Monday morning it’s
because they don’t have any children)

ARE YOU WEARING BLUE?

Are you wearing blue?
So tell me, what’s your story?
Roedean and Oxbridge, I see
So you’ll be marrying a Tory

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 9

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Contrary to the rumour, live on
They are based in Blackpool
Where they do summer season

THERE IS GREAT HUMOUR TO BE FOUND # 2

There is great humour to be found
Among the Brits in their abundance
But for me the funniest of them all
Have got to be those from Punzance

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 399

Little Jack Jingle,
He used to live single;
But his friends got tired
Of his happy single life
And bullied and cajoled
Until he got himself a wife

EPIPHANY IS DESCRIBED IN THE LEXICON

Epiphany is described in the lexicon
Simply as a divine manifestation
But when she disrobed before me
It was a Magnificent Divest-ion

LOVE IS ALL ABOUT SHARING

Love is all about sharing
It’s the corner stone, you see
When my wife gets the flu
She always shares it with me

I HAD TWO EXAMS TODAY

I had two Exams today, English Oral
Followed by the French equivalent one
They were both hard, the only difference
Being the additional application of tongue

CAN I HAVE A GLASS OF RICE WINE

“Can I have a glass of Rice Wine”
I said “Beer makes me bilious”
The puzzled barman replied “Sake?”
I added “No I was being serious”

I SURVIVED TESTICULAR CANCER

I survived testicular cancer, but when
I was in Asda I screamed out in terror
As all I could hear at the checkout was
“Unexpected item in the bagging area”

I KNOW THEY’RE SMILEY

I know they’re smiley
And I might well be odd
But I don’t like Dolphins
And I’m a congenial bod
It’s just because found
They were a clicky pod

MY YOUNG ACTRESS SISTER

My young actress sister
Has absolutely no shame
But in Hollywood she has
Found some level of fame
She’s now “Doing a pilot”
I didn’t ask for his name

THE PIE FACTORY EXPLODED

The pie factory exploded
And it was carnage inside
There were also casualties
As 3.14 people died

THE KOALA WAS IN SOME DISTRESS

The Koala was in some distress
In fact he was in a proper mess
As he was told he wasn’t a bear
And he didn’t think it was fair
As he was one of nature’s creations
And he had all the koalafications

I HAD TO HAVE A BLOOD TRANSFUSION ONE DAY

I had to have a blood transfusion one day
And my notes said I was blood Type A
But it was mistake which brought me low
And it was all the result of a simple Typo

I HAVE AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY

I have an addictive personality
I think I must have that gene
I was even addicted to soap
But thankfully I’m now clean