A Little Bit Of Humour # 153

I HAVE GIVEN UP SEX FOR LENT # 2

I have given up sex for Lent
Which is to some small extent
An empty gesture on my part
As I had to as I have a bad heart

A VOYAGE ROUND MY FATHER (6)

At a get together with Family
My widowed father told me
That he had found a new lady
“We’re off to Portuguese India”
“Oh really” I said, “Goa?”
“No” he said “she’s a bit demure”

ARE YOU WEARING GREEN?

Are you wearing green?
My pretty young Coleen
And that’s everything so?
Well that’s nice to know
And is an image to bewitch
If you do mean every stitch

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 387

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
Decided to sow Stock seed
But later she realised her error
After sowing Japanese knotweed

ARE YOU WEARING PEDAL PUSHERS?

Are you wearing pedal pushers?
I think it’s their appearance you like
Given that you are a sedentary being
And you can’t even ride a bike

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 6

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Contrary to the rumour of their demise
Are working as the Chuckle Brothers
In their most cunning disguise

A VOYAGE ROUND MY FATHER (7)

He said “I was asked by my daughter,
If I could go out to East Africa”
I retorted “that’s amazing, Kenya?”
He replied “No I had to disappoint her”

MY FRIENDS CALL ME SNAKE HIPS

My friends call me snake hips
Though not because I’m thin
I earned my unfortunate nickname
Because I have really dry skin

WHEN MY BROTHER WAS AT COLLEGE

When my brother was at college
He had an unusual nickname
Which was the “snow plough”
Because of his appetite for cocaine

LOVE IS ABOUT THE COMPROMISE

Love is about the compromise
It’s the corner stone I would say
For example if we should disagree
We compromise and do it her way

WHEN ASKED WHAT HE DID FOR A LIVING # 3

When asked what he did for a living
He replied furtively “I’m a spy”
Then he added he was from Belarus
And clarified “I’m a Minsk Spy”

TO HAVE VOICES IN MY HEAD

I believe it’s quite normal
To have voices in my head
Listening to them is usual
Sometimes I argue instead
However, if I were to lose
The argument, I’d be dead

IT WAS A SPECIAL TIME WHEN WE WED

It was a special time when we wed
In front of family, friend and piers
We found it a very emotional day
Even the Wedding cake was in tiers

TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY EIGHT LOVERS

“Two hundred and eighty eight lovers”
Was not what I expected, not even close
But that was what my mum confessed
And to be honest that was just two gross

IF ALL THE SEAS WERE DRIED UP

If all the seas were dried up,
Every bay, lagoon and ocean
Would Poseidon understand why?
Would he even have a notion?

WHAT SHAPE IS A KISS

What shape is a kiss?
Oh my now I’m in a pickle
Well if you press me
I would say it’s a lip-tickle