Showing posts with label Drinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Drinking. Show all posts

Wednesday 9 August 2023

Waiting For God in Frinton

 

I’m in my fifties now and I started drinking when I was 15, which was in the early 1970’s.

I always looked older than my age, though not old enough to pass for 18 when I was three years younger but it was the 70s and landlords pretty much turned a blind eye to 15 and 16 year olds drinking as long as they didn’t look to out of place.

My first ever pint was in a pub called the Man in the Moon and it cost me 17 pence.

And the first sip of that foaming brew set me on the road to oblivion.

 

I didn’t drink everyday but when I drank I didn’t hold back and I didn’t know when to stop. 

On one occasion, a Friday, I left work at 5.30pm and went straight to the pub, with that week’s pay packet in hand, in those days we got paid weekly in cash, I woke up the next morning in a bus shelter with 3 pence in my pocket, I had pissed away a week’s wages in one night.

On A works beano one year we went on a day trip to France the more serious drinkers among our party drank nonstop for 26 hours and very nearly drank ourselves sober, one or two of the group had to be carried but the hardened drinkers walked back to the ferry.

 

On another occasion after a friend’s house party I woke up on the bedroom floor, having no idea how I got there.

It was only later when I spoke to my friends that I found out the whole story of what I had done and that they had carried/dragged me home.

They were good friends, who through my behavior, I gradually alienated one by one until there was no one left to get me home.

So I woke up in gardens, subways and gutters, I even woke up once in a skip with a kebab stuck to my face.

In the end I was disowned by my family and my only friends were fellow drunks.

 

Despite my drunken binges I still managed to hold down a decent job so when

I was in my late twenties I moved to Woking to take up a very well paid job which served to fund my benders very well indeed.

On one particular weekend in September I had been drinking since breakfast and kept it up all day, but by midnight all the pubs were shut.

But a serious drunk always knows where to find a drink so I took a cab to Casper’s, a members only an all-night drinker.

It was there that I met Angela who would become my salvation.

She was a good looking woman, around about my age, who was also a drunk.

Although the drink hadn’t yet diminished her looks.   

 

The next morning I woke up in the passenger seat of a car on the sea front in Frinton with Angela sleeping slumped over the steering wheel.

I had absolutely no recollection of how we got there, or how we got there.

I got out of the car to stretch my legs and the bracing sea breeze almost knocked me off my feet.

I walked along the sea front, trying desperately to clear my head but things were no clearer 20 minutes later when I returned to the car.

Which by some miracle was parallel parked to perfection, and I marveled at how we had got from Woking to Frinton and lived to tell the tale.

 

Then a sense of doom came over me as I looked at the bright blue Chrysler in front of me because although we had got to Frinton unscathed the car had not.
The front of the car carried all the hallmarks of a serious front end collision.

 

I roused Angela from her drunken slumber and got her out of the car and walked her up and down until the sea breeze had blown the cobwebs away.

“How the hell did we get here?” I asked

“Get where?” she mumbled

“Frinton” I replied

“Where the hell is Frinton?” Angela asked

I walked her further along the seafront until we reached a café that was actually open at 6.00am on a Sunday and several coffees later I got some sense out of her

“The last thing I remember we were in Casper’s and you said “I haven’t been to the coast for ages”” She said slowly “so we finished our drinks and got in my car”  

“And?” I pressed

“And then you woke me up” she said, head in hands

“Do you remember hitting anything?” I whispered

“No, like what?” Angela queried

“I don’t know” I replied “but whatever it was, you hit it hard”

 

It was after nine when we stood up to leave.

A small group of fishermen were coming in as we were going out.

“All I know is old Joe was walking the dog when he got hit” one of them said

“And he’s dead?” asked another

“Yes, and the driver didn’t stop” the first one replied   

What little colour had returned to Angela’s face while we were in the café instantly drained away as the realization of what she had done dawned on her as well. 

 

We returned to the car but Angela was too distraught to drive, I was suddenly stone cold sober so I got behind the wheel and chose a route that took us back to Woking via a circuitous route.  

 

After That September Sunday all those years ago when some poor resident soul in Gods waiting room lost their life at our hands I lost my taste for booze.
I still see Angela from time to time she still lives in Woking but she never came to terms with what we had done that day and surrendered completely to the demon in the bottle.
I see her around about town with the other winos and I believe she sleeps under the canal bridge.

 

I wonder if she sleeps any sounder than I.

Sunday 16 July 2023

IT WAS FRIDAY NIGHT AND THE LADS

 

It was Friday night and the lads

Were hitting the shots to get fucked

And two guys walked into a bar

Before the third one ducked

Wednesday 21 June 2023

BAD DRINKING HABIT

 

I went out for a walk,

Just round and about

When I saw in a doorway

An old down and out

Drinking brake fluid

From an old tin cup

I stood for a moment

And watched him sup

“That stuff will kill you,

Which would be a crime”

“Don’t worry” he said

“I can stop anytime”

Sunday 4 June 2023

ARE YOU WEARING VOMIT IN YOUR HAIR?

 

Are you wearing vomit in your hair?

I fear it is a look that won’t be diminished

I've learned that you can keep on vomiting

Long after you think that you're finished 

Saturday 27 May 2023

AFTER GETTING HOME LATE ONE NIGHT

 

After getting home late one night, very drunk,

He sees something that will forever scar his brain

And the consequence of seeing two of his wife

He quit drinking so he wouldn’t see that again

Friday 17 March 2023

DAWN ROSE ON THE DESERT

 

Dawn rose on the desert

In the crisp morning air

But she didn’t have a clue

How she actually got there

Tuesday 24 January 2023

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ALCOHOL

 

I always thought that alcohol

Made me funnier, smarter, oh

And a much better dancer

But then I saw myself on video

Saturday 14 January 2023

ARE YOU WEARING BEER GOGGLES?

 

Are you wearing beer goggles?

That’s a definite I reckon

Because I look like Iain Dowie

But you see David Beckham

Friday 14 October 2022

I REMEMBER WELL THAT FATEFUL DAY

 

I remember well that fateful day

When I read of the evils of drinking

And so shocked was I that I decided

On that very spot to give up reading

Monday 10 October 2022

MANY THINGS CAN BE PRESERVED

 

Many things can be preserved

In alcohol, the list nears infinity

But among that endless list

One of them is not your dignity

Wednesday 5 October 2022

SHE WAS MARRIED TO HIM

She was married to him

For three years, just over

And didn't know he drank

Until he came home sober

Friday 30 September 2022

WINE BOXES AREN’T FOR THE SNOBS

 

Wine boxes aren’t for the snobs

But what makes them unwhackable

Is unlike the odd shaped bottles

All the Wine boxes are stackable

Wednesday 28 September 2022

WHEN THE WINE BOX IS EMPTY

 

When the wine box is empty

I am one of the thorough types

I rip open the cardboard

To reveal the Pinots tripe’s

And squeeze it dry as I play

The alcoholics bagpipes

Sunday 7 August 2022

GREEN LEATHER CHESTERFIELD

 

In green leathered comfort

I sat in a Chesterfield

In an atmosphere

That totally appealed

Among my piers

In silent appreciation

Almost a reverence

Of our quiet situation

A brandy on the table

A cigar in the ash tray

And the world held

Well and truly at bay

Wednesday 6 July 2022

IT WAS FRIDAY NIGHT AND THE LADS

 

It was Friday night and the lads

Were hitting the shots to get fucked

And two guys walked into a bar

Before the third one ducked

Saturday 2 July 2022

I WAS OUT ON THE LASH ON SATURDAY NIGHT

 

I was out on the lash on Saturday night

But I think it ended in disgrace

As I woke up in a skip next morning

With a kebab stuck to my face

Thursday 30 June 2022

JUST A DASH

 

Pour me a Scotch Whisky

With only two drops of water

Please can you do that for me?

My dearest daughter

For at my age I can hold my liquor

But I can’t hold my water

Monday 20 June 2022

HARE OF THE DOG

 

I need a bit of a pick me up

After a very boozy lunch

A “hare of the dog” is the thing

After too much Rabbit Punch

Wednesday 15 June 2022

ALCOHOL IS NOT THE ANSWER

 

Alcohol is not the answer

That’s my suggestion

It does help however

To make you forget the question

I NEED GLASSES

 

I need glasses

So, it would appear

But the glasses I need

Let me be clear

Are glasses of wine

And glasses of beer