MY GREAT UNCLE IS A SCIENTIST

 

My Great Uncle is a scientist

As well as a keen horticulturist

Which is quite evident to see

As he’s growing a chemistree

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 401

 

Old King Cole was a merry old soul,

And a merry old soul was he

He called for his pipe

In the middle of the night

And he called for his basins three.

And did a colonic irrigation.

ARE YOU WEARING AN ANKLE BRACELET?

 

Are you wearing an ankle bracelet?

What is the significance? I forget

On one ankle you’re just crumpet

On the other you’re a strumpet

WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 4

 

If on your travels you find a town

Which looks deserted, let’s say

It’s probably like that for a reason.

So take the hint and stay away

WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE ATE A HEALTHY DIET # 2

 

When I was young we ate a healthy diet

With plenty of fruit and vegetables

But we never thought of eating Seaweed

In fact we didn’t even know it was edible

YOU CAN EITHER ASK ME TO DO SOMETHING

 

You can either ask me to do something

Or you tell me how you want it done.

But not both, if you already know best

How to do it, just do it yourself, hon

I’VE SURVIVED PROSTATE CANCER

 

I’ve survived prostate cancer

I've had two bypass surgeries,

I'm half blind, more than half deaf

And I have type two diabetes

I’ve had hip replacements,

An elbow and two new knees,

I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92

And when I go out I can’t go far

As I have a very weak bladder

But at least I can still drive my car