MY LUGGAGE GOT TRASHED AT THE AIRPORT

 

My luggage got trashed at the airport

So I made a claim at the appropriate place

But after filling out all the relevant forms

I was told I didn’t have much of a case

MY WIFE SENT ME TO BUY OXO CUBES

 

My wife sent me to buy Oxo cubes

Down at the local corner shop

But I returned home empty handed

Because they were out of stock

WE NEEDED A FAMILY HOLIDAY

 

We needed a family holiday

But lack of finances can restrict

So I had to take them all

Up to the Off Peak District

KISSING FRIDAY

 

The tradition of kissing Friday

Was called Nippy Hug Day

When Leicestershire men

Could demand on that day

A kiss from any woman

Of his choice by custom

And if she was to refuse

He could then pinch her bum

But since world war two

Kissing Friday doesn’t apply

It has fallen from favour

I can’t understand why

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 383

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

When he got a telephone call

“Hump Me Dumpty” Bo said

And he fainted and fell off the wall

ARE YOU WEARING WORN OUT DRAWERS?

 

Are you wearing worn out drawers?

Well, I think it’s something certain

You may put on a very good show

But your riches have gone for a burton

And despite every outwardly sign

It’s a case of “all kippers and curtains”

FAIRY TALE’S RESPUN # 13

 

It wasn’t a pea in her bed that kept her awake

It was something of a very different genus

The reason for her exhaustion each morning

Was as a result of the Princess and a penis