IF YOU ARE A LOVER OF PUNS

 

If you are a lover of puns

Then on shrove Tuesday

There is only one conclusion

And that that its pun-cake day

IS IT PANCAKE DAY ALREADY?

 

Is it Pancake Day

Already? Oh dear

It’s really crêped up

On me this year

THE ORIGINS OF FAT TUESDAY

 

The origins of Fat Tuesday

Are Anglican and Catholic

But in our town Fat Tuesday

Is an overweight biker chic

THERE IS A VERY DISTINCT DIFFERENCE

 

There is a very distinct difference

Between Mardi Gras and Fat Tuesday

The former is an all-night party and

You wake up with the latter the next day

WAS JESUS MARRIED # 2

 

Was Jesus married?

Was a she behind his success?

That might well explain

Faking his own death

WAS JESUS MARRIED # 1

 

Was Jesus married?

Was a she behind his success?

That might well explain

40 days in the wilderness

COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN A WOMAN?

 

Could Jesus have been a woman?

Well, He fed a crowd as far as he could view

at a moment's notice with little food

He kept trying to get a message across To

A bunch of men who just didn't grasp it.

So, it’s very possible in my view

And then even when He was dead, He had

To get up because there was still work left to do

COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN IRISH?

 

Could Jesus have been Irish?

Well, the bible says He never marries

He loved green pastures and water

And He was always telling stories

COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN NATIVE AMERICAN?

 

Could Jesus have been Native American?

Possibly, he was at peace with nature

He ate fish, and had an affinity with birds

And He talked of the Great Spirit in his future

COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN A CALIFORNIAN?

 

Could Jesus have been a Californian?

Well its true He never cut His hair

He walked around in sandals

And He started a new religion, so Yer

COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN ITALIAN?

 

Could Jesus have been Italian?

Maybe, as he reputedly used olive oil

He did have wine with all His meals

And he did talk with His hands after all

COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN JEWISH?

 

Could Jesus have been Jewish?

It is the most likely eventuality

As He Did go into His Father's business

He lived at home until he was 33

He was sure his Mother was a virgin

And she was sure He was God, so maybe

COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN BLACK?

 

Could Jesus have been Black?

Maybe, its true he liked Gospel

He called everyone brother

And He didn't get a fair trial

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 429

 

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice and all things nice

That's what little girls are made of?

Well try to remember that the next time

Your holding her hair while she throwing up

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER WAISTCOAT?

 

Are you wearing an Easter waistcoat?

Oh yes it’s a real crowd pleaser

Though perhaps not ecclesiastical

It makes you look like a geezer

THE BEST EASTER ACTOR OF ALL TIME # 1

 

The best Easter actor of all time

Is something of an acting hero

And there can only be one winner

And that would be Rabbit De Niro

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER TIE?

 

Are you wearing an Easter tie?

Well, my next question is why?

Because although it’s not unpleasant

You don’t have to wear a present

THE EASTER EGG DIDN’T CROSS THE ROAD

 

The Easter Egg didn’t cross the road

And the reason for that I bet

Is quite simple and can only be

Because he wasn't a chicken yet

THE ONLY WAY THE EASTER BUNNY # 2

 

The only way the Easter Bunny

Can decorate eggs in time for Easter

Is to paint them all, otherwise

They would have to use wallpaper

ARE YOU WEARING EASTER SPATS?

 

Are you wearing Easter spats?

To walk in the Easter Parade

Well, you’re a century out of fashion

If you give or take a decade