PLEASE DON’T GET ME WRONG

 

Please don’t get me wrong

It’s not that I’m a prude

And under the right circumstances

I quite like being rude

But at the end of the day

I just find Keith Lemon crude

MY WIFE WENT TO THE BEAUTY PARLOUR

 

My wife went to the beauty parlour

And had a mudpack applied

Which improved her appearance

Until it fell off and she cried

THE JURY FOREMAN CLEARLY ANNOUNCED

 

The jury foreman clearly announced

To the court "Not guilty of robbery"

The defendant asked his solicitor

"Does that mean I can keep the money?"

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 280

 

This is the way the farmers ride

Hobbledy-hoy!

Hobbledy-hoy!

This is the way the farmers ride

Get off my land you rambling bastards

ARE YOU WEARING TINSEL IN YOUR HAIR?

 

Are you wearing tinsel in your hair?

Sitting atop your golden curls

You look so very angelic to me

A jewel more precious than pearls

But looks can be deceiving

Angel with the golden curls

And later on, I might well discover

You’re one of the naughty girls

WE HAVE LOVED EGGS # 3

 

We have loved eggs

Since we were children

Cackle Berries my dad

Used to call them

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS

 

When life gives you lemons

Making lemonade is the trick

When life gives you melons

You’re probably dyslexic