NONSENSICAL EPISODE # 6

 

The spa wrangled planner

No, the Tsar bangled tanner

The bra strangled Hannah

Or the scar dangled manor

The car mangled spanner

Or the bar tangled scanner

No, it’s the Star Spangled Banner

THE FOURTH EMERGENCY SERVICE

 

I was driving to work this morning

It was just as the day was dawning

And I noticed a parked-up AA van

And next to it was a crying man

But properly weeping and wailing

Down on his knees with arms flailing

I just shook my head with a frown

I knew he was headed for a breakdown

THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD

 

Edward Bulwer-Lytton wrote

“The pen is mightier than the sword”

This is, indeed, a fine sentiment.

That we should heartily applaud

But when faced with machine gun fire

I fear the proposition is flawed

I KNOW WITH CERTAINTY

 

I know with certainty

That, nine times out of ten

When in my house

Something is broken

Or just malfunctioning

I know before I see it

The probability is

One of my kids did it

And the 10 percent of times

They are off the hook

Then I know who to blame

By my wife’s guilty look

RUDELY AWAKENED

 

I leapt up out of bed,

And I opened the door

In my pyjamas,

Wow I’d not noticed it before

What a very odd place

For there to be a door

A REAL HUMDINGER

 

A man made a boast

It was a real humdinger

“I can turn this duck

Into a soul singer”

 

He repeated his boast

Despite being mocked

And made a wager

That left them shocked

 

They took the bet

That was a real humdinger

To see him turn a duck

Into a soul singer

 

He said as he took the duck

That he called Mr Smithers

“Now I’ll put it in the microwave

Until its bill withers”

THREE LITTLE FISHES

 

Three fish in a tank,

One says to the other ones

I'll drive the thing

If you two man the guns