ATTRACTION

 

I’m overweight I know

But it’s not my fault though

It’s because of the surgeries

Replacing my hips and knees

It’s the fridge magnets you see

They keep attracting me

TANGO’D

 

It is possible to have

Too much of a good thing

I feel I should say, though

I’m not sure where to begin

It involves the colour orange

i.e. too much fake tanning

So, unless it’s Halloween

Please don’t look like a pumpkin

THE BIKER AND THE PRETTY MISS

 

A big tattooed hairy biker

Noticed as he was riding by

A girl stood on the ledge,

Of a bridge way up high.

The biker stopped his bike

And asked the girl why

She was stood on the ledge

“I’m going to jump” was her reply

He shook his head in disbelief

That she would want to die

So, he made her a proposition

Before you commit suicide

Give me a kiss, pretty miss

Give me a kiss as your goodbye

The little miss agreed to the kiss

A kiss to be remembered by

So, the biker and the pretty miss

Engaged in a kiss of goodbye

An embrace of passionate fire

That seemed to lift them up high

When it was over, and they parted

The biker said “my oh my oh my

That was the best kiss I ever had

And you want to commit suicide why?

You can kiss so well, what a waste

Tell me why, do you want to die?”

“That’s easy, my parents don’t like me

Dressing as a girl,” she replied

ALL THE PRESIDENTS’ MEN

 

All the presidents’ men

Were all of a fluster

When Gerry Mander

Met Phil Lee-Buster

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 65

Mary had a woolly lamb

Who ran away from her

It was struck by lightning

And it’s now just polyester

HAPPY HOURS

 

I always liked happy hour

Well, when I was a younger chap

Now at my age I’m afraid

Happy hour is taking a little nap

SEXUAL PREFERENCES # 13

 

I do have a favourite;

I like them with a predisposition

Basically, I like them dirty

And prepared for any position

 

I love feelier Ophelia

And mauler Paula 

Dirty Gertie

And pawer Dora

 

I love Harlot Charlotte

And Spanky Frankie

Molester Ester

And first in Kirsten

 

I love envelopy Penelope

Then get free again

For a crumpet strumpet

And game whatsaname