Elsie went to see her doctor
Because of persistent
back pain
The doctor was less
than sympathetic
Having to examine her
again
“I’m sorry Elsie but
as I told you before
Its old age, you’re
just getting on a bit”
Elsie demanded a second
opinion
He said “ok, you also
have saggy tits”
I’ve been on every diet known to man
Atkins, Lemonade,
Cabbage and f-plan
And I’ve never lost a
thing worthy of mention
But I try every new
one, full of good intention
Now I'm on the Whisky
diet, which I’m taking steady
And do you know I've
lost three days already.
“Wayne, go to the paper shop”
“Wayne? Go to the
paper shop”
“Can’t do it babe, it
can’t be done”
“Wayne, just get off
your bum”
“Can’t be done babe, I
can’t do it”
“Wayne just do it you
lazy git”
“I’m not being lazy
babe honestly”
“It just can’t be done
babe really”
“Coz I went to the
paper shop yesterday
And it had blown away”
Leon Bismark "Bix" Beiderbecke
(March 10, 1903 –
August 6, 1931)
It was said of Bix
That his Cornet spat
out notes
Like shooting bullets
at a bell
And his solos sounded
as sweet
As a girl saying yes.
Bix Beiderbecke was
simply the best
He was at the birth of
hot music
His light illuminated
The jazz age
His Cornet accompanied
The roaring twenties
He was a romantic
legend,
The young man with a
Horn
But in keeping with
the character
Of the very best of
youth
His flame burned very
brightly
But equally it burned
quickly
And like the most
beautiful star
He burned himself out
All too soon
Bix lived for the jazz
But died for the booze
The corner shop has reopened
It’s been closed for a
bit
It’s got new owners
And they’ve had a
refit
I’m not sure if it
will succeed
It’s a bit of a niche
market
But there’s a new
corner shop
So, I thought I would
try it
I told them “It’s a
bit specialized”
I felt it only fare to
warn her
And it’s called “the
corner shop”
I just bought the four
corners
I was arrested in my local paper shop today
And taken to the nearest
station without delay
I had masturbated over
a copy of the Beano
But as it was for
Comic Relief the police let me go
My son just bought the most amazing camera
With super-fast
shutter speed, “on the edge of the cut”
And when he
photographed my wife and I
He managed to snap her
with her mouth shut
