I APPROACHED THE WOMAN IN THE BOOKSHOP

 

I approached the woman in the bookshop

“I want a book on Turtles” I told her

And she responded “Hardback?"

“Well obviously they’re hardback, duh”

I’VE ALWAYS BEEN AN AVID READER # 2

 

I’ve always been an avid reader

I like books about distant Galaxies

I can’t put down the current one

It’s a great book about antigravity

I’VE ALWAYS BEEN AN AVID READER # 1

 

I’ve always been an avid reader

Mystery books are my favourite

But then every novel is a mystery

If you never manage to finish it

THE SMELL OF BOOKS

 

I think that the people who say they

Love the smell of books are jerks

Because it’s perfectly clear they

Don’t know how reading books works

I’M SITTING IN MY STUDY READING

I’m sitting in my study reading

Wearing my dressing gown

It’s a book about anti-gravity

It's impossible to put down 

ARE YOU WEARING PINCE-NEZ?

 

Are you wearing pince-nez?

Don’t they pinch a bit?

They look a little uncomfortable

But with your image they fit

 

That looks an impressive book

A rather weighty tome, isn’t it?

It will make you look good

If you die halfway through it

COMPELLING READING

I was reading this book today

At the library in town

It was “The History of Glue”

You know? I couldn't put it down

THAT’S A RELIEF

 

I was arrested in my local paper shop today

And taken to the nearest station without delay

I had masturbated over a copy of the Beano

But as it was for Comic Relief the police let me go

THERE’S A GREAT VOLUME I’M READING

There’s a great volume I’m reading

About Japanese Sword-Fighting,

It’s quite a detailed manuscript

Would you like me to samuraise it? 

I APPROACHED THE WOMAN IN THE BOOKSHOP

 

I approached the woman in the bookshop

“I want a book on Turtles” I told her

And she responded “Hardback?"

“Well obviously they’re hardback, duh”

I’VE ALWAYS BEEN AN AVID READER # 2

 

I’ve always been an avid reader

I like books about distant Galaxies

I can’t put down the current one

It’s a great book about antigravity

I’VE ALWAYS BEEN AN AVID READER # 1

 

I’ve always been an avid reader

Mystery books are my favourite

But then every novel is a mystery

If you never manage to finish it

INTOXICATING READING

When I found myself reading

About the evils of drinking

You might well be thinking

That I would give up drinking

But after careful considering

I decided to give up reading