Thank you for all your effort
Your support and
comfort
Thank you for all your
baking
Your salads and bread
making
Thank you for the
salad tossing
Oh, and not forgetting
the defrosting
Thank you for all the
ways
You made it such a
special day
Thank you for making
it such a wonderful birthday
All my love Paul
xxxxxxxxxxx
PS,
I will forgive your
one mistake
i.e. The absence of a birthday cake
I have often thought it ironic
If not positively
absurd
That the term,
abbreviated
Is an eleven-letter
word
I used to rise at dawn
And marvel at my
erection
Such a thing of beauty
So wonderful in its
perfection
But those days are
behind me
Its flaccid now upon
inspection
And to raise it from
its flaccidity
I must consume some
blue confection
And thus perform a
miracle rising
Akin to the
resurrection
I want to get a Tom Tom
Or any make of Satnav
But my lady wife won’t
hear of it
Not all the time I
have
Her to map read for me
And give me vague
directions
Saying left instead of
right
At all the intersections
But it’s always my
fault
When we take another
detour
Though it’s her not
paying attention
I don’t want to do
this anymore
For she doesn’t really
map read
She only reads her
women’s mag
But that’s what I’m
stuck with
A fifty-year-old sat
nag
When to my wife I was wed
My father-in-law to me
said
I will give you ten
acres and a cow
I’ve waited for the
land for 10 years now
Applying a tattoo
On a beautiful woman’s
skin
Is something akin
To drawing a moustache
On the Mona Lisa
Or a Chad on the
ceiling
Of the Sistine chapel
The only things that
can enhance
A woman’s beauty
Is a smile about her
lips
And a glow upon her
cheek
You have elegance
Poise and grace
A certain
sophistication
And what was once
called “it”
You have beauty
And sex appeal
You know what you’ve
got
And how to use it
You have style
And fashion sense
You know what goes
And what does not
So, answer me this
Why do you choose?
As your date
A tattooed Neanderthal
