NOW I KNOW I’VE REACH ROCK BOTTOM

 

Now I know I’ve reach rock bottom

It must be due to my personality

I just got in my car and I discovered

And even the Satnav’s not talking to me

MY SATNAV IS A VERY HELPFUL DEVICE

 

My Satnav is a very helpful device

But you don’t need to take its advice

Sometimes you have to give it a rest

Because it doesn’t always know best

I BOUGHT MYSELF A SATNAV

 

I bought myself a Satnav

I got in the car, turned it on

And I put it on my dash

 

And it told me where I was

Like I didn’t know already

What a waste of bloody cash

MY SATNAV HAS AUDIBLE ALARMS

 

My Satnav has audible alarms

They make each journey fraught

So, I think I’ll trade it in

And buy the silent sort

MY SATNAV IS WORSE THAN MY WIFE

 

My satnav is worse than my wife

Telling me how to drive

If the limit is thirty miles an hour

It nags me, I’m doing thirty five

I DON’T HAVE A SATNAV

 

I don’t have a Satnav

I don’t need one in my life

l have something better

My Satnav is my wife

WHEN I IGNORED THE SATNAV

 

When I ignored the Satnav

I actually heard it scoff

And when I said “I’ll go my way”

It told me to sod off

I’VE GOT TO DRIVE MYSELF TO BLACKPOOL

 

I’ve got to drive myself to Blackpool

And I’ve not long passed my test

Now I have to navigate my way around

The cobbled motorways of the northwest

JANE AND I

 

“I’ve been to Wales with Jane”

I was told by my friend

“Then tomorrow Jane and I

Are going to Lands End”

“And I will probably take Jane

To London at the weekend”

I didn’t like to shatter his illusions

But I had to in the end

“Jane is the voice on your SatNav

She’s not a proper girlfriend”

THE TOM TOM BLUES

 

I want to get a Tom Tom

Or any make of Satnav

But my lady wife won’t hear of it

Not all the time I have

Her to map read for me

And give me vague directions

Saying left instead of right

At all the intersections

But it’s always my fault

When we take another detour

Though it’s her not paying attention

I don’t want to do this anymore

For she doesn’t really map read

She only reads her women’s mag

But that’s what I’m stuck with

A fifty-year-old sat nag