21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 37

 

As I was going to St. Ives

I met a man with seven wives,

Seven wives now that’s really tough 

I’ve got one and that’s enough

PUT DOWN # 36

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

Sometimes you may have to deflect

The same offender so you can then say

“My God! How many times do I have to flush

Before you’ll finally go away”?

GOOL PERAN LOWEN

 

Gool Peran Lowen

It’s St Piran’s Day

He’s revered by “Tinners”

Since their heyday

For sharing the secrets

Of Mining Tin, they say

SENIOR WEEK

 

Since I’ve been retired

Every day is a fun day

My week now consists

Of six Saturdays and a Sunday

TOILET TRAINING

 

When it’s time to siphon the python

First adjust the angle of dangle

And aim true, at the loo

You’ll stand in your own piss, if you miss

Don’t get in a muddle and leave a puddle

When finished shake the snake

Or tap the old chap

Make sure the eye is dry

As you stand there, have a care

Don’t go yet and stow wet

Or you’ll feel the warm glow, down below

SUNDAY SCHOOL QUERY

 

Joshua was asked at a Sunday school meeting

“Do you say a prayer at home before eating”? 

Joshua was puzzled at the query, truth to tell

“No, we don't have to, my Mum cooks very well”

SLEEP DEPRIVATION

 

I lie awake in the wee small hours

Unable to just drift away

My mind is constantly replaying

All the events of the day

I’ve tossed and I’ve turned

I even counted sheep for a bit

Now I find my foot has gone to sleep

And I long to catch up with it