IS SIZE IMPORTANT?

 

The bigger they are

The harder they fall

I think the saying has it

Although in reality

The bigger they are

The harder they hit

RULE BRITANNIA # 7

 

It’s great being British

And despising other nations

As we don’t have to watch

The cremating at cremations

THE MAGIC MIRROR

“Let’s furnish our new home” said

A couple who were newly wed

Whilst they were bargain hunting

When they were out shopping

They found a mirror quite unusual

Which the owner said was "magical"

After some considerable deliberation

The mirror became an acquisition

Once home they decided to secure

The mirror on their bedroom door

One-day the young wife decided

To test the mirror out and said

"Mirror, mirror on the door

Make my breasts size forty-four"

Nothing happened initially

Then a puff of smoke suddenly

And lo and behold it came true

Her breasts had indeed grew

She ran to show her husband

Who groped them with each hand

He was amazed to see they’d grown

And decided on a wish of his own

So, the husband then decided

And looking in the mirror he said

"Mirror, mirror on the door

Make my manhood touch the floor."

Nothing happened initially

Then a puff of smoke suddenly

And with a sound like a cough

Both of the husband’s legs fell off

THIS ENGLAND

Of all the places I have been

Britain is the best I’ve seen

It’s the simple little pleasures

That any visitor then treasures

Like having a lovely cup of tea

In a place called Battersea

Or eating Poppadoms and Chutney

In a restaurant down in Putney

Dining on a plate of stroganoff

With a couple name of Romanoff

Or playing frames of billiards

With a group of Irish guards

Eating duck pate on Melba toast

While relaxing on the Devon coast

On one night we even smoked pot

With some soldiers in Aldershot

But whether you intend eating Spam

In the midland’s city of Birmingham

Or enjoying bags of soggy chips

While visiting in the Mendip’s

Be sure to take a coat with you

As you’ll have a rainy day or two 

VIENS A MOI

 

Bimbette and peaches walk up to a perfume counter

And after a few moments browsing pick up a sampler

Bimbette sprays it on her wrist and then smells it

"What do you fink Peach That's quite a nice one init?”

Peaches then sniffed the perfume Bimbette had tried

"Yeah what's it called?" "Viens a moi" Bimbette replied

"Viens a moi! She said, “what the fuck does that mean?" 

The assistant offered some help thinking they were keen

“Viens a moi” she offered “is French for “come to me””

Bimbette takes sniffs again and offers her arm to peachy

After a lengthy sniff "That doesn't smell like come to me”

Bimbette said, “Does it smell like come to you Peachy?"

BATHTIME

I checked into a modest hotel for the night

It wasn’t very grand, but the price was right

In itself it was a pleasant enough little room

The only drawback being a shared bathroom

I walked half-naked into the shared facility

To find standing there a very attractive filly

I said this bath is mine without any preamble

She claimed it as hers in a rant and ramble

I corrected her and reiterated “this is my bath”

Her response to this was a hysterical laugh

As we continued arguing over its ownership

The bath filled and the lady started to strip

I followed suit until we stood naked together

And then we stood there admiring each other

“You have a figure that would raise the dead”

“And you have a very nice physique” she said

After a brief time, I thought I’d try my luck 

“You really are very lovely do you fuck”?

She smiled and said yes and gave a little laugh

“Wow that’s great now fuck off this is my bath”

WALK ABROAD

 

I’ve been to places far and wide

And had to put my prejudice aside

I’ve done many things to survive

To keep my body and soul alive

I once played a game of snooker

In a place called Banyaluca

I fought a Sumo wrestler and won

In the land of the rising sun

I dated a girl who was very loud

In the land of the long white cloud

I played table tennis or ping-pong

In the territories of Hong Kong

Suffered the Welsh and their grumbles

While holidaying in the mumbles

And got a case of Delhi belly

While on a short visit to Tripoli

But no matter where I have gone

I've always been rained upon