THE MAGIC MIRROR

“Let’s furnish our new home” said

A couple who were newly wed

Whilst they were bargain hunting

When they were out shopping

They found a mirror quite unusual

Which the owner said was "magical"

After some considerable deliberation

The mirror became an acquisition

Once home they decided to secure

The mirror on their bedroom door

One-day the young wife decided

To test the mirror out and said

"Mirror, mirror on the door

Make my breasts size forty-four"

Nothing happened initially

Then a puff of smoke suddenly

And lo and behold it came true

Her breasts had indeed grew

She ran to show her husband

Who groped them with each hand

He was amazed to see they’d grown

And decided on a wish of his own

So, the husband then decided

And looking in the mirror he said

"Mirror, mirror on the door

Make my manhood touch the floor."

Nothing happened initially

Then a puff of smoke suddenly

And with a sound like a cough

Both of the husband’s legs fell off

THE GENIE

 

Walking along the beach together one day

Were an Englishman from Yorkshire way

An Irishman all the way from county Mayo

And a Scotsman from the city of Glasgow

They came across a lamp lying in the sand

So, the Englishman rubbed it with his hand

With a puff of smoke and a flash of light

A Genie pops out dressed in robes of white

“in gratitude for releasing me on this beach”

Genie said “I will give you one wish each”

“I am a proud fisherman,” The Scotsman said

“And I shall be a fisherman until I am dead”

He said, “I know what I want with my wish”

“I want for eternity all the oceans full of fish”

The Genie blinked in the direction of the sea

and the seas were teaming with fish instantly

The Irishman was amazed saying to the Genie

“So that nothing will get in for all eternity.”

“Never again will they invade my homeland

“I want a protective wall all around Ireland”

The Genie blinked facing across the Irish Sea

and there was a wall around Ireland instantly

The Englishman at first said nothing at all

Then asked “Please tell me about this wall”

The Genie complied without a wonder why

“Well, it's at least one hundred feet high”

The Genie said “fifty feet thick and stout”

“And of course, nothing can ever get in or out.”

Reaching a decision with considerable ease

Then he said, “Fill it up with water please”