Sunday, 7 February 2021

THE MALE ROLL

 

How many men does it take?

To change the toilet, roll today

Nobody knows the answer 

Because it never happens anyway

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

 

I don’t know what to do

About all the sex, nudity,

Foul language and violence

On my DVD

LAST NIGHT I HAD FOR MY TEA

Last night I had for my tea

A delicious beef stew

With dumplings, better known

As my wife Sue

THE DIARY OF A VIRGIN

 

The diary of a Virgin

Is a very short read

As there are within

No entries indeed

THE WHITE HORIZONTAL PLUME

 

The white horizontal plume

Streams in its wake

Like a long grey ribbon

As the locomotive powers on

A truly romantic image

Of the great age of steam

Saturday, 6 February 2021

I DO PREFER NATURAL BEAUTY

 

I saw her and thought “not a fan”

She was all extensions and fake tan

And she’d applied the slap thick

And her lips needed a chap stick

I thought it again as she left lipstick

Around my undiscerning dipstick

GREEN LEATHER CHESTERFIELD

 

In green leathered comfort

I sat in a Chesterfield

In an atmosphere

That totally appealed

Among my piers

In silent appreciation

Almost a reverence

Of our quiet situation

A brandy on the table

A cigar in the ash tray

And the world held

Well and truly at bay