I WENT INTO HOSPITAL FOR MINOR SURGERY # 11
I went into hospital for minor surgery
The staff did not fill me with confidence
As I was coming around I heard someone say
“Did anyone see where I left the instruments?”
ARE YOU WEARING CHIFFON?
Are you wearing chiffon?
So you’ve chosen style over substance
But you won’t hear me complain
As transparency tends to enhance
WE FOUND A BRILLIANT BUILDER
We found a brilliant builder
His workmanship is out of sight
The only snag is he’s Transylvanian
So he can only work at night
WHAT’S A BIDET?
While looking at a hotel website
His granddaughter asked “What’s a Bidet?”
The old soldier smiled wryly and retorted
“It’s a couple of days before D-Day”
DESICCATED SNACK POT
A new desiccated snack pot
Of dried dog and noodles
Are on sale in North Korea
They’re called Not Poodles
NEW BOND VILLAIN
There is a new Bond villain
Although the story is old
His name is Gold sphincter
And he has piles of gold
PAVLOV’S DOG AND SCHRODINGER’S CAT
I wanted a book about Pavlov’s Dog
And Schrodinger’s Cat
And I wanted it quite a lot
So I asked a librarian
And she said it rang a bell,
But she wasn’t sure if it was there or not
AU PAIR
The meaning of the term
Au pair, is a “Social equal”
So you will find your husband
Ran off with the social equal
ARE YOU WEARING A BLACK BODY STOCKING?
Are you wearing a black body stocking?
No I can assure you my tone is not mocking
And though the view may be thought shocking
It will certainly bring admirers flocking
Saturday, 11 February 2017
True Nature # 10
IN THE FROST FILLED MEADOW
In the frost filled meadow
I watch the dawn’s first rays
Beginning to melt the frost
In the majesty of winter days
NOCTURNAL
Nocturnal creatures scurry
And bats take flight
As the owl stands sentinel
Over a woodland night
IN THE DEWY AUTUMN MEADOW
In the dewy autumn meadow
I watch the dawn’s first rays
Beginning to evaporate the mist
In the majesty of Autumn days
FLAMES OF THE FOREST
Leaves like tongues of fire
Set the scene ablaze
Kenya’s Flame trees
Burning bright in paradise
In the frost filled meadow
I watch the dawn’s first rays
Beginning to melt the frost
In the majesty of winter days
NOCTURNAL
Nocturnal creatures scurry
And bats take flight
As the owl stands sentinel
Over a woodland night
IN THE DEWY AUTUMN MEADOW
In the dewy autumn meadow
I watch the dawn’s first rays
Beginning to evaporate the mist
In the majesty of Autumn days
FLAMES OF THE FOREST
Leaves like tongues of fire
Set the scene ablaze
Kenya’s Flame trees
Burning bright in paradise
True Nature # 9
THE FIERCE SPRING GALES
The fierce spring gales
Howl all through the night
Whipping up the seas
And turning wave tops white
The poor souls at sea
On the dark spring night
In the teeth of the tempest
Feel it’s savage bite
And pray to their gods
To save them from their plight
As the gale blows through
On the dark spring night
IN THE DEWY SPRING MEADOW
In the dewy spring meadow
I watch the dawn’s first rays
Beginning to evaporate the mist
In the majesty of the spring days
BENEATH THE GREY SKIES
Beneath the grey skies
In the crisp morning air
An over confident fox
Chases after a march Hare
IN A COUNTRY LANE
In a country lane
Where the noise of a highway
Is thought too fanciful
A wagon carries bales of hay
As the farmer heads home
At the end of the day
The fierce spring gales
Howl all through the night
Whipping up the seas
And turning wave tops white
The poor souls at sea
On the dark spring night
In the teeth of the tempest
Feel it’s savage bite
And pray to their gods
To save them from their plight
As the gale blows through
On the dark spring night
IN THE DEWY SPRING MEADOW
In the dewy spring meadow
I watch the dawn’s first rays
Beginning to evaporate the mist
In the majesty of the spring days
BENEATH THE GREY SKIES
Beneath the grey skies
In the crisp morning air
An over confident fox
Chases after a march Hare
IN A COUNTRY LANE
In a country lane
Where the noise of a highway
Is thought too fanciful
A wagon carries bales of hay
As the farmer heads home
At the end of the day
BE MY VALENTINE
BE MY VALENTINE # 1
On Valentines Day
The valentine card said to the stamp
Stick with me and we'll go places!
While the farmer gave his wife
Hogs and kisses!
And the caveman gave his wife
Ughs and kisses!
BE MY VALENTINE # 2
On Valentines Day
The chocolate syrup said to the ice cream
"I'm sweet on you!"
While the pencil said to the paper
"I dot my i's on you!"
And the light bulb asked his girlfriend
Do I mean a whole watt to you?"
BE MY VALENTINE # 3
On Valentines Day
The bat said to his girlfriend
"You're fun to hang around with."
And the paper clip said to the magnet?
"I find you very attractive."
BE MY VALENTINE # 4
On Valentines Day
The nearsighted porcupine
Fell in love with a pin cushion!
And the elephant said to his girlfriend
"I love you a ton!"
BE MY VALENTINE # 5
On Valentines Day
One pickle said to the other
"Your love means a great dill"
Even skunks celebrate Valentine's Day
Because they're very scent-imental!
On Valentines Day
The valentine card said to the stamp
Stick with me and we'll go places!
While the farmer gave his wife
Hogs and kisses!
And the caveman gave his wife
Ughs and kisses!
BE MY VALENTINE # 2
On Valentines Day
The chocolate syrup said to the ice cream
"I'm sweet on you!"
While the pencil said to the paper
"I dot my i's on you!"
And the light bulb asked his girlfriend
Do I mean a whole watt to you?"
BE MY VALENTINE # 3
On Valentines Day
The bat said to his girlfriend
"You're fun to hang around with."
And the paper clip said to the magnet?
"I find you very attractive."
BE MY VALENTINE # 4
On Valentines Day
The nearsighted porcupine
Fell in love with a pin cushion!
And the elephant said to his girlfriend
"I love you a ton!"
BE MY VALENTINE # 5
On Valentines Day
One pickle said to the other
"Your love means a great dill"
Even skunks celebrate Valentine's Day
Because they're very scent-imental!
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES YET AGAIN
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 17
A diller, a dollar, a 10 o'clock scholar,What makes you arrive so late
It’s no good arriving at 10 o'clock
You’re Headmaster for goodness sake
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 18
There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Growing in the middle of her chest
With the sunlight on her
It looked like a comma
That punctuated her pert little breasts
(Little girl in this case refers to stature and not age, so stop composing a complaint already)
(Not really a nursery rhyme I know
So sorry to the fans of Longfellow)
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 19
A diller, a dollar, a 10 o'clock scholar,
A diller, a dollar, a 10 o'clock scholar,What makes you arrive so late
It’s no good arriving at 10 o'clock
You’re Headmaster for goodness sake
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 18
There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Growing in the middle of her chest
With the sunlight on her
It looked like a comma
That punctuated her pert little breasts
(Little girl in this case refers to stature and not age, so stop composing a complaint already)
(Not really a nursery rhyme I know
So sorry to the fans of Longfellow)
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 19
A diller, a dollar, a 10 o'clock scholar,
What makes you come so soon?
Just think about cricket the next time
Just think about cricket the next time
That we get down to it in my room
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 20
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are?
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 20
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are?
Are you a star twinkling bright?
Or just another bloody satellite
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 21
Tom, Tom the pipers son
Or just another bloody satellite
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 21
Tom, Tom the pipers son
Stole a pig and away he ran,
The pig was ate and it tasted great
And so said everyone on Tom’s estate
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 22
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are?
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 22
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are?
Are you the star I saw before?
Or an earth destroying meteor
Or an earth destroying meteor
Tuesday, 31 January 2017
Tales of Love # 21
LOVE ARRIVED LIKE A TEMPEST
Love arrived like a tempest
Sweeping him off his feet
Leaving him breathless
And trembling in its wake
But although the storm
Was a wind of change
Which altered him forever
It was not a breath of fresh air
Her love was toxic
She controlled like a terror
And even loves betrayal
Could not break the spell
YOUR HEART IS AN OASIS
Your heart is an oasis,
A place of love,
Where Venus resides,
But she resides alone
As you will not let me in
I REMEMBER FALLING IN LOVE
I remember falling in love
When there was beauty in the world
A love shared by me and you
Which we thought would last
As long as the world kept turning
But we were in error
Because the love has gone
And in our hearts
There is an empty hollow
Pining for what was lost
While in the shadows
Lay our discarded dreams
Lost and lingering
In the gloom
Where the sun light’s ray
Cannot penetrate
And our love cannot be revived
THE HONEY BEE AND THE ROSE
The honey Bee
Loves the flower
In particular the Rose
But the flower is indifferent
As it views the Bee
Through sweet petal veil
But the Bee is content and
Doesn’t need his love returned
For Rose is his passion
And will always be
Love arrived like a tempest
Sweeping him off his feet
Leaving him breathless
And trembling in its wake
But although the storm
Was a wind of change
Which altered him forever
It was not a breath of fresh air
Her love was toxic
She controlled like a terror
And even loves betrayal
Could not break the spell
YOUR HEART IS AN OASIS
Your heart is an oasis,
A place of love,
Where Venus resides,
But she resides alone
As you will not let me in
I REMEMBER FALLING IN LOVE
I remember falling in love
When there was beauty in the world
A love shared by me and you
Which we thought would last
As long as the world kept turning
But we were in error
Because the love has gone
And in our hearts
There is an empty hollow
Pining for what was lost
While in the shadows
Lay our discarded dreams
Lost and lingering
In the gloom
Where the sun light’s ray
Cannot penetrate
And our love cannot be revived
THE HONEY BEE AND THE ROSE
The honey Bee
Loves the flower
In particular the Rose
But the flower is indifferent
As it views the Bee
Through sweet petal veil
But the Bee is content and
Doesn’t need his love returned
For Rose is his passion
And will always be
A Mixed Bag Of Verse # 3
PARALYMPIANS
They should not be seen as disabled
When they compete
A Paralympian should be viewed
Simply as an Athlete
IF YOU’VE LEARNED NOTHING IN LIFE
If you’ve learned nothing in life
Take this piece of advice from me
Remember this if nothing else,
Your character is your destiny
DISABILITY SPORT
They may well be considered
In life to have a Vulnerability
But where sport is concerned
They have no such disability
So calling it “Disability Sport”
Couldn’t be more misleading
When the limits they are given
They are constantly exceeding
Don’t look at them as disabled
But as sportsmen and women
Because in the arena of sport its
As athletes you should define them
THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS
Candlemas Day,
The festival of lights
40 days after Epiphany
Is celebrated to mark
The Presentation of Christ
In The Temple,
OLYMPIANS V PARALYMPIANS
The Olympics is the pinnacle
For any man and woman
But I believe that an Olympian
Is actually merely Human
Whereas a Paralympian
Is quite obviously Super Human
SAINT DAVID
Saint David was born in the 5th century
A scion of the royal house of Ceredigion,
And founded a Celtic Monastic order,
At Glyn Rhosyn, the Vale of Roses,
Which became an important Christian shrine
Where St David's Cathedral stands today
They should not be seen as disabled
When they compete
A Paralympian should be viewed
Simply as an Athlete
IF YOU’VE LEARNED NOTHING IN LIFE
If you’ve learned nothing in life
Take this piece of advice from me
Remember this if nothing else,
Your character is your destiny
DISABILITY SPORT
They may well be considered
In life to have a Vulnerability
But where sport is concerned
They have no such disability
So calling it “Disability Sport”
Couldn’t be more misleading
When the limits they are given
They are constantly exceeding
Don’t look at them as disabled
But as sportsmen and women
Because in the arena of sport its
As athletes you should define them
THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS
Candlemas Day,
The festival of lights
40 days after Epiphany
Is celebrated to mark
The Presentation of Christ
In The Temple,
OLYMPIANS V PARALYMPIANS
The Olympics is the pinnacle
For any man and woman
But I believe that an Olympian
Is actually merely Human
Whereas a Paralympian
Is quite obviously Super Human
SAINT DAVID
Saint David was born in the 5th century
A scion of the royal house of Ceredigion,
And founded a Celtic Monastic order,
At Glyn Rhosyn, the Vale of Roses,
Which became an important Christian shrine
Where St David's Cathedral stands today
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