ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS CARDIGAN?
Are you wearing a Christmas Cardigan?
Please tell me you’re wearing it for a joke?
What do you mean it’s comfortable?
Are you that Val Doonican bloke?
BAD SANTA # 3
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
So naughty girl when he comes into view
It won’t be candy cane in his pocket
He’ll be really pleased to see you!
CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 3
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Christmas season
Walk up to them and say sweetly
“Hey Angel, Shouldn't you
Be on top of the tree?”
LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU # 3
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart,
But I’m sorry to say,
That your gift to me
Was chlamydia
ARE YOU WEARING RED TINSEL?
Are you wearing red tinsel?
Tied amidst your lustrous curls
Red can be a devilish colour
So are you a devilish kind of girl?
I DON’T LIKE THE SHORTENED FORM
I don’t like the shortened form
Of Christmas, it’s not quaint
I dislike it because Xmas sounds
Like some kind of skin complaint
DON’T LOOK BACKWARDS, MERELY
Don’t look backwards, merely
Half-heartedly and insincerely
Remember those Christmas’s clearly
And remember the people dearly
DOWN AT THE SHOPPING MALL
Down at the shopping mall
There’s a lot of bustle and fuss
As the registers ring its beginning
To cost a lot like Christmas
THEY SAY THAT IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS
They say that it’s the thought that counts
Rather than the size of the gift
But if you decided to give everyone your
Opinion in lieu they might be miffed
WE LOST THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS
We lost the true meaning of Christmas
Almost from the start
It’s become about what’s in your pocket
And not what's in your heart
Monday, 30 November 2015
Christmas 2015 # 2
ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS HAT?
Are you wearing a Christmas Hat?
Sitting so perfectly on your head
A gorgeous little tit for tat
White trimmed and crimson red
BAD SANTA # 2
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
For the girls with a bit of curve
He reads the naughty and nice list
But prefers the "nice and naughty list”
UKIP ADVENT CALENDAR # 2
You can now buy a UKIP
Advent calendar
I’ve never seen one before
I don’t know what message is inside
Because for some reason
All you can hear is a slamming door
CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 2
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Walk up to them and say
“Can I take a picture of you Miss,
So I can show Santa exactly
What I want for Christmas”
LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU # 2
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart,
But I’m sorry to say,
You really
Needed a kidney
ARE YOU WEARING GOLDEN TINSEL?
Are you wearing Golden tinsel?
Tied amidst your lustrous curls
It makes you look so beautiful
And more like an angel than a girl
WHEN CHRISTMAS DAY WAS OVER # 2
When Christmas Day was over
Mrs Claus needed a release
It was a very stressful time
Spreading good will and peace
So as soon as Santa was rested
She always liked to have a bit
Being partial to the "North Pole"
Well, that's what Mrs C calls it
YOU CAN KEEP THE SLEIGH # 2
You can keep the sleigh
And Rudolph and Prancer
There’s nothing Santa likes
More than a Pole Dancer
SANTA ANA AND HIS REINDEER
"Now Vortex! Now Bluster!
Now, Twister and Mizzle!
On, Cyclone! On, Humid!
On, Monsoon and Drizzle!
From their HQ in Exeter!
To the Met office ball!
Now dash away! Dash away!
Dash away all!"
THE CLAUS’S SAT BESIDE THE FIRE
The Claus’s sat beside the fire
And Santa was heard to say
When was the last Christmas
That we did it in a sleigh?
Are you wearing a Christmas Hat?
Sitting so perfectly on your head
A gorgeous little tit for tat
White trimmed and crimson red
BAD SANTA # 2
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
For the girls with a bit of curve
He reads the naughty and nice list
But prefers the "nice and naughty list”
UKIP ADVENT CALENDAR # 2
You can now buy a UKIP
Advent calendar
I’ve never seen one before
I don’t know what message is inside
Because for some reason
All you can hear is a slamming door
CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 2
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Walk up to them and say
“Can I take a picture of you Miss,
So I can show Santa exactly
What I want for Christmas”
LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU # 2
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart,
But I’m sorry to say,
You really
Needed a kidney
ARE YOU WEARING GOLDEN TINSEL?
Are you wearing Golden tinsel?
Tied amidst your lustrous curls
It makes you look so beautiful
And more like an angel than a girl
WHEN CHRISTMAS DAY WAS OVER # 2
When Christmas Day was over
Mrs Claus needed a release
It was a very stressful time
Spreading good will and peace
So as soon as Santa was rested
She always liked to have a bit
Being partial to the "North Pole"
Well, that's what Mrs C calls it
YOU CAN KEEP THE SLEIGH # 2
You can keep the sleigh
And Rudolph and Prancer
There’s nothing Santa likes
More than a Pole Dancer
SANTA ANA AND HIS REINDEER
"Now Vortex! Now Bluster!
Now, Twister and Mizzle!
On, Cyclone! On, Humid!
On, Monsoon and Drizzle!
From their HQ in Exeter!
To the Met office ball!
Now dash away! Dash away!
Dash away all!"
THE CLAUS’S SAT BESIDE THE FIRE
The Claus’s sat beside the fire
And Santa was heard to say
When was the last Christmas
That we did it in a sleigh?
Christmas 2015 # 1
ARE YOU WEARING A FESTIVE SWEATER?
Are you wearing a festive sweater?
Well this season just keeps on getting better
And you really don’t need a bigger size
A more perfect fit would be hard to devise
BAD SANTA # 1
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
For the girls with a bit of curve
And he think that the naughty list
Is really more like his to-do list
UKIP ADVENT CALENDAR # 1
You can now buy a UKIP
Advent calendar
I’ve never seen one before
There are no Christmas messages
It just says Fuck off
Behind every door
CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 1
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Christmas season
Walk up to them and say
“They call me Jingle Bells
Because I go all the way”
LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU # 1
Last Christmas, I gave you a scarf
But the very next week
You said “it was so last year”
Bloody cheek
ARE YOU WEARING SILVER TINSEL?
Are you wearing Silver tinsel?
Tied amidst your lustrous curls
It makes you look so beautiful
And more like an angel than a girl
WHEN CHRISTMAS DAY WAS OVER # 1
When Christmas Day was over
Mrs Claus needed a release
It was a very stressful time
Spreading good will and peace
So as soon as Santa was rested
She always liked to have a bit
And more often than not
They’d go and do it in the sleigh
YOU CAN KEEP THE SLEIGH # 1
You can keep the sleigh
And Rudolph and Prancer
There’s nothing Santa likes
More than a Lap Dancer
FROSTY, WINDY, CLOUDY AND SQUALLY
Frosty, Windy, Cloudy and Squally,
Misty, Rainbow and Precipitous Hail
Are the met office seven dwarfs
And let’s not forget Princess Gale
THE CLAUS’S LAY IN THEIR BED
The Claus’s lay in their bed
And Santa was heard to say
My lap isn't the only place
Where wishes come true
Are you wearing a festive sweater?
Well this season just keeps on getting better
And you really don’t need a bigger size
A more perfect fit would be hard to devise
BAD SANTA # 1
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
For the girls with a bit of curve
And he think that the naughty list
Is really more like his to-do list
UKIP ADVENT CALENDAR # 1
You can now buy a UKIP
Advent calendar
I’ve never seen one before
There are no Christmas messages
It just says Fuck off
Behind every door
CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 1
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Christmas season
Walk up to them and say
“They call me Jingle Bells
Because I go all the way”
LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU # 1
Last Christmas, I gave you a scarf
But the very next week
You said “it was so last year”
Bloody cheek
ARE YOU WEARING SILVER TINSEL?
Are you wearing Silver tinsel?
Tied amidst your lustrous curls
It makes you look so beautiful
And more like an angel than a girl
WHEN CHRISTMAS DAY WAS OVER # 1
When Christmas Day was over
Mrs Claus needed a release
It was a very stressful time
Spreading good will and peace
So as soon as Santa was rested
She always liked to have a bit
And more often than not
They’d go and do it in the sleigh
YOU CAN KEEP THE SLEIGH # 1
You can keep the sleigh
And Rudolph and Prancer
There’s nothing Santa likes
More than a Lap Dancer
FROSTY, WINDY, CLOUDY AND SQUALLY
Frosty, Windy, Cloudy and Squally,
Misty, Rainbow and Precipitous Hail
Are the met office seven dwarfs
And let’s not forget Princess Gale
THE CLAUS’S LAY IN THEIR BED
The Claus’s lay in their bed
And Santa was heard to say
My lap isn't the only place
Where wishes come true
Thursday, 8 October 2015
Potpourri
DOING WHAT YOU LIKE
Doing what you like
Does bring happiness for you
But the true source of joy
Is in liking what you do
HOPE SITS PATIENTLY
Hope sits patiently
Upon its primordial throne
A reassuring constant,
In a sea of change
Always there
Available to all
Like a beacon in the dark
To lost souls at sea
Pure unremitting Hope
An unquenchable thirst
An unsatisfied yearning
An unscratchable itch
There for everyone
When all else fails
Hope waits for us all
Sitting patiently
Upon its primordial throne
Since time immemorial
And until the end of time
THE ACCIDENTAL VILLAIN
I am the smoke
That simply floats away
On a convenient breeze
Drifting away
Powerless to stop
And at the mercy of the wind
I am the smoke and there is
A kind of beauty about me
But also there is danger in me
I am the smoke and I am mercurial
Appearing in many forms
I am thick like pea soup fog
Or thin and translucent like a veil
I am the smoke and
I have no purpose
I am only an after thought
A bi product of something useful
I am the smoke
And I am the villain
ENDSHIP
OldfriEND or New FriEND,
BoyfriEND or GirlfriEND,
BestFRIEND or FriEND,
They all have an END
So if you’re looking for longevity
Look no further than family
SWALK IS AN ACRONYM FOR
SWALK is an acronym for
“Sealed with a loving kiss”
Used when writing letters
To loved ones we miss
I SIT WITH A MIRROR STRAIGHT AHEAD OF ME
I sit with a mirror straight ahead of me
And another one placed behind me
So my image is repeated in perpetuity
That way I don’t feel so lonely
PUZZLING
How should I begin to describe you?
Well you are 13 down,
Without exception, and always 2 across
But you have never been 1 down
And sadly not once 19 across
You are four letters
Starting with a S and ending with a Y
You are coffee time and an acrostic too
As well as being cryptic
Let’s try 11 down followed by three across
Which is what might describe you
But I have never known you to be 7 down
A dictionary won’t help me, nor a thesaurus
You are Mind-bendingly vexatious, unfathomable
Inscrutable and infuriating enigmatic
And like most women I have known
You are an unsolvable puzzle to me
ON THAT BEAUTIFUL SUNLIT DAY IN JUNE
On that beautiful sunlit day in June
When they played that familiar tune
My heart was filled with happiness
When I saw you in the big white dress
I stole a sideways glance at you
And found you looking at me too
It was quite goofy we smiled so much
I took your hand and felt your tender touch
Proudly we stood together side by side
As before God the knot was tied
My heart filled again with happiness
As I wed the girl in the big white dress
If pride is a sin then I’ve sinned too much
I’ve felt it when I’ve felt your loving touch
I’ve felt it at our happiest and our saddest
And when I saw you in a maternity dress
Oh how I remember that day in June
When they played that familiar tune
And my heart was filled with happiness
When I saw you in the big white dress
And now as I look back across the years
To the times of laughter and of tears
I wish to tell it to the world and shout it loud
I’ve never said “I love you” and not felt proud
ILLUMINATED SUNSET CLOUDS
Illuminated sunset clouds, lit
Like smoke in a funeral pyre
In red and orange shades
As the sky burns with fire
THE TRUTH ABOUT FAMILY
Have you noticed that
Family Contains I L Y
Which stands for “I Love You”
And no one asks why
Doing what you like
Does bring happiness for you
But the true source of joy
Is in liking what you do
HOPE SITS PATIENTLY
Hope sits patiently
Upon its primordial throne
A reassuring constant,
In a sea of change
Always there
Available to all
Like a beacon in the dark
To lost souls at sea
Pure unremitting Hope
An unquenchable thirst
An unsatisfied yearning
An unscratchable itch
There for everyone
When all else fails
Hope waits for us all
Sitting patiently
Upon its primordial throne
Since time immemorial
And until the end of time
THE ACCIDENTAL VILLAIN
I am the smoke
That simply floats away
On a convenient breeze
Drifting away
Powerless to stop
And at the mercy of the wind
I am the smoke and there is
A kind of beauty about me
But also there is danger in me
I am the smoke and I am mercurial
Appearing in many forms
I am thick like pea soup fog
Or thin and translucent like a veil
I am the smoke and
I have no purpose
I am only an after thought
A bi product of something useful
I am the smoke
And I am the villain
ENDSHIP
OldfriEND or New FriEND,
BoyfriEND or GirlfriEND,
BestFRIEND or FriEND,
They all have an END
So if you’re looking for longevity
Look no further than family
SWALK IS AN ACRONYM FOR
SWALK is an acronym for
“Sealed with a loving kiss”
Used when writing letters
To loved ones we miss
I SIT WITH A MIRROR STRAIGHT AHEAD OF ME
I sit with a mirror straight ahead of me
And another one placed behind me
So my image is repeated in perpetuity
That way I don’t feel so lonely
PUZZLING
How should I begin to describe you?
Well you are 13 down,
Without exception, and always 2 across
But you have never been 1 down
And sadly not once 19 across
You are four letters
Starting with a S and ending with a Y
You are coffee time and an acrostic too
As well as being cryptic
Let’s try 11 down followed by three across
Which is what might describe you
But I have never known you to be 7 down
A dictionary won’t help me, nor a thesaurus
You are Mind-bendingly vexatious, unfathomable
Inscrutable and infuriating enigmatic
And like most women I have known
You are an unsolvable puzzle to me
ON THAT BEAUTIFUL SUNLIT DAY IN JUNE
On that beautiful sunlit day in June
When they played that familiar tune
My heart was filled with happiness
When I saw you in the big white dress
I stole a sideways glance at you
And found you looking at me too
It was quite goofy we smiled so much
I took your hand and felt your tender touch
Proudly we stood together side by side
As before God the knot was tied
My heart filled again with happiness
As I wed the girl in the big white dress
If pride is a sin then I’ve sinned too much
I’ve felt it when I’ve felt your loving touch
I’ve felt it at our happiest and our saddest
And when I saw you in a maternity dress
Oh how I remember that day in June
When they played that familiar tune
And my heart was filled with happiness
When I saw you in the big white dress
And now as I look back across the years
To the times of laughter and of tears
I wish to tell it to the world and shout it loud
I’ve never said “I love you” and not felt proud
ILLUMINATED SUNSET CLOUDS
Illuminated sunset clouds, lit
Like smoke in a funeral pyre
In red and orange shades
As the sky burns with fire
THE TRUTH ABOUT FAMILY
Have you noticed that
Family Contains I L Y
Which stands for “I Love You”
And no one asks why
Labels:
Family,
Friendship,
Love,
Marriage,
Nature,
Philosophy,
Potpourri,
Romance,
Sunset,
Sweethearts,
Variety,
Various
Shrovetide
SHROVETIDE
Shrovetide begins on Egg Saturday
Heralding the coming of lent
And deciding what to give up
Is normally the way it is spent
EGG SATURDAY
The first day of Shrovetide
Is Shrove or Egg Saturday
An Oxfordshire tradition
Sometimes called egg feast day
QUINQUAGESIMA SUNDAY
The second day of Shrovetide
Shrove Sunday or Quinquagesima
Celebrated in the Christian church
As the fiftieth day before Easter
COLLOP MONDAY
The third day of Shrovetide
Once known as Collop Monday
Named after Collops of bacon
A traditional dish of the day
Which was served with eggs
It’s the forgotten Shrove Monday
NICKANAN NIGHT
Nickanan Night or Shrove Monday evening
Was a time for boys to commit petty crime
Now we don’t have it on one special night
Instead now it appears to happen all the time
THE PANCAKE DAY RACE
The Pancake Day race was a popular event
And was held amidst much happy hoorays
Until the runners became too competitive
And behaved like parents on sports days
ASH WEDNESDAY
There is a religious reason
Why it is a significant day
But cremated pancake on the hob
Is the only ash around our way
WHAT DO YOU CALL THE DAY?
What do you call the day?
That comes after Ash Wednesday
And before kissing Friday
Well we just call it Thursday
KISSING FRIDAY
The tradition of kissing Friday
Was called Nippy Hug Day
When Leicestershire men
Could demand on that day
A kiss from any woman
Of his choice by custom
And if she was to refuse
He could then pinch her bum
But since world war two
Kissing Friday doesn’t apply
It has fallen from favour
I can’t understand why
Shrovetide begins on Egg Saturday
Heralding the coming of lent
And deciding what to give up
Is normally the way it is spent
EGG SATURDAY
The first day of Shrovetide
Is Shrove or Egg Saturday
An Oxfordshire tradition
Sometimes called egg feast day
QUINQUAGESIMA SUNDAY
The second day of Shrovetide
Shrove Sunday or Quinquagesima
Celebrated in the Christian church
As the fiftieth day before Easter
COLLOP MONDAY
The third day of Shrovetide
Once known as Collop Monday
Named after Collops of bacon
A traditional dish of the day
Which was served with eggs
It’s the forgotten Shrove Monday
NICKANAN NIGHT
Nickanan Night or Shrove Monday evening
Was a time for boys to commit petty crime
Now we don’t have it on one special night
Instead now it appears to happen all the time
THE PANCAKE DAY RACE
The Pancake Day race was a popular event
And was held amidst much happy hoorays
Until the runners became too competitive
And behaved like parents on sports days
ASH WEDNESDAY
There is a religious reason
Why it is a significant day
But cremated pancake on the hob
Is the only ash around our way
WHAT DO YOU CALL THE DAY?
What do you call the day?
That comes after Ash Wednesday
And before kissing Friday
Well we just call it Thursday
KISSING FRIDAY
The tradition of kissing Friday
Was called Nippy Hug Day
When Leicestershire men
Could demand on that day
A kiss from any woman
Of his choice by custom
And if she was to refuse
He could then pinch her bum
But since world war two
Kissing Friday doesn’t apply
It has fallen from favour
I can’t understand why
A Little Bit Of Humour # 109
WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 12
The beach was right outside the hotel
Which I suppose was alright
But is wasn’t much like the brochure
The sand was yellow not white
WINKS IS AN ACRONYM
WINKS is an acronym for
"Women with Incomes and
No Kids" plenty of money
But no ring on their hand
I HAD A TERRIBLE NIGHT’S SLEEP
I had a terrible night’s sleep
So I went to see Miss Alconbury
About a Chemistry question
But apparently we don’t have any
SHE ONLY COME TO ME WITH A PROBLEM
She only come to me with a problem
When she wants my help solving it
But if she’s looking for sympathy
Then she knows that I’m not fit
So her girlfriends must fill that need
Because I’m an unsympathetic git
MORNGY THURSDAY
At a soup kitchen, they ran out of food
Due to a basic error in their sums
And tempers flared among the homeless
In fact there were a lot of hot cross bums
ARE YOU WEARING A TURKEY SUIT?
Are you wearing a turkey suit?
I really love holiday pranks
But you look like a total arse
And for that I give thanks
THANKSGIVING DAY TURKEY
Bimbette was preparing
For Thanksgiving Day
One hour per pound
So the instructions say
“One hundred and ten
Pound’s is what I weigh”
Bimbette said and put
The Turkey on a baking tray
And roasted the bird
For almost five days
DETECTIVE FOGHORN LEGHORN
Detective Foghorn Leghorn
Was called to a crime scene today
To investigate the death
Of a Turkey, he suspects fowl play
DURING THE THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY
During the thanksgiving holiday
From coast to coast
What do you call a stuffed animal?
We call it a turkey roast
THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE
There is a special place
In hell for people that play
Any Christmas music
Before Thanksgiving Day
IF AS THEY SAY, MARRIAGE IS A WAR
If as they say, Marriage is a war
Then it’s the only war as far as I can see
Where, as one of the protagonists
You get to sleep with the enemy
IF I HAVE A FIGHT WIFE MY WIFE
If I have a fight wife my wife, I think
“Don't take your troubles to bed”,
So I follow the advice to the letter
And sleep with someone else instead
The beach was right outside the hotel
Which I suppose was alright
But is wasn’t much like the brochure
The sand was yellow not white
WINKS IS AN ACRONYM
WINKS is an acronym for
"Women with Incomes and
No Kids" plenty of money
But no ring on their hand
I HAD A TERRIBLE NIGHT’S SLEEP
I had a terrible night’s sleep
So I went to see Miss Alconbury
About a Chemistry question
But apparently we don’t have any
SHE ONLY COME TO ME WITH A PROBLEM
She only come to me with a problem
When she wants my help solving it
But if she’s looking for sympathy
Then she knows that I’m not fit
So her girlfriends must fill that need
Because I’m an unsympathetic git
MORNGY THURSDAY
At a soup kitchen, they ran out of food
Due to a basic error in their sums
And tempers flared among the homeless
In fact there were a lot of hot cross bums
ARE YOU WEARING A TURKEY SUIT?
Are you wearing a turkey suit?
I really love holiday pranks
But you look like a total arse
And for that I give thanks
THANKSGIVING DAY TURKEY
Bimbette was preparing
For Thanksgiving Day
One hour per pound
So the instructions say
“One hundred and ten
Pound’s is what I weigh”
Bimbette said and put
The Turkey on a baking tray
And roasted the bird
For almost five days
DETECTIVE FOGHORN LEGHORN
Detective Foghorn Leghorn
Was called to a crime scene today
To investigate the death
Of a Turkey, he suspects fowl play
DURING THE THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY
During the thanksgiving holiday
From coast to coast
What do you call a stuffed animal?
We call it a turkey roast
THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE
There is a special place
In hell for people that play
Any Christmas music
Before Thanksgiving Day
IF AS THEY SAY, MARRIAGE IS A WAR
If as they say, Marriage is a war
Then it’s the only war as far as I can see
Where, as one of the protagonists
You get to sleep with the enemy
IF I HAVE A FIGHT WIFE MY WIFE
If I have a fight wife my wife, I think
“Don't take your troubles to bed”,
So I follow the advice to the letter
And sleep with someone else instead
Labels:
Easter,
Funny,
Groundhog Day,
Humour,
Sport,
St Patricks Day,
Thanksgiving,
Variety,
Various
Halloween Tales 2015 # 2
ARE YOU WEARING A SPOOKY SWEATER?
Are you wearing a spooky sweater?
Well there’s no attempt to hide
The ample contents so I would say
You could turn me to the dark side
SHE MAY BE A WITCH
She may be a witch
And she may do spells
Which sounds like poety
As far as anyone tells
So just beware of
Unnatural smells
Or you’ll fall victim
To one of her spells
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN JUMPER?
Are you wearing a Halloween Jumper?
Well its contents are rather bumper
The skeleton motive I should mention
Is not needed to attract my attention
THEY MAY LOOK CUTE AND SWEET
They may look cute and sweet
They may look smart and dandy
But they’re vicious little monsters
Who’ll rob you of all your candy
ARE YOU WEARING TOE OF NEWT?
Are you wearing toe of newt?
Is it part of a witchy spell?
Is it the witchy version of GHB?
I’m so smitten I cannot tell
DOUBLE, DOUBLE, TOIL AND TROUBLE
Double, double, toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble
Shake it shake it at the double
Don’t drink much or you’re in trouble
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN HAT?
Are you wearing a Halloween Hat?
Sitting so perfectly on your head
A gruesome little tit for tat
With fangs dripping crimson red
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN TOP?
Are you wearing a Halloween Top?
Well I very much like what I see
Because there isn’t very much of it
And the contents are bursting free
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN CARDIGAN?
Are you wearing a Halloween Cardigan?
A cardigan? On all hallows eve
A cardy doesn’t say “night of the dead”
So I don’t think you really believe
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN WAISTCOAT?
Are you wearing a Halloween waistcoat?
Oh I like the way the buttons glow
And the whole thing luminesces
It really is very Edgar Allan Poe
Are you wearing a spooky sweater?
Well there’s no attempt to hide
The ample contents so I would say
You could turn me to the dark side
SHE MAY BE A WITCH
She may be a witch
And she may do spells
Which sounds like poety
As far as anyone tells
So just beware of
Unnatural smells
Or you’ll fall victim
To one of her spells
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN JUMPER?
Are you wearing a Halloween Jumper?
Well its contents are rather bumper
The skeleton motive I should mention
Is not needed to attract my attention
THEY MAY LOOK CUTE AND SWEET
They may look cute and sweet
They may look smart and dandy
But they’re vicious little monsters
Who’ll rob you of all your candy
ARE YOU WEARING TOE OF NEWT?
Are you wearing toe of newt?
Is it part of a witchy spell?
Is it the witchy version of GHB?
I’m so smitten I cannot tell
DOUBLE, DOUBLE, TOIL AND TROUBLE
Double, double, toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble
Shake it shake it at the double
Don’t drink much or you’re in trouble
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN HAT?
Are you wearing a Halloween Hat?
Sitting so perfectly on your head
A gruesome little tit for tat
With fangs dripping crimson red
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN TOP?
Are you wearing a Halloween Top?
Well I very much like what I see
Because there isn’t very much of it
And the contents are bursting free
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN CARDIGAN?
Are you wearing a Halloween Cardigan?
A cardigan? On all hallows eve
A cardy doesn’t say “night of the dead”
So I don’t think you really believe
ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN WAISTCOAT?
Are you wearing a Halloween waistcoat?
Oh I like the way the buttons glow
And the whole thing luminesces
It really is very Edgar Allan Poe
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