I LOST MY JOB TODAY

 

I lost my job today, I was sacked

My boss finally drove me to the brink

So, I said “Shhh, just listen to the sound

Of nobody caring what you think”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 93

 

Seesaw Margery Daw 

Johnny shall have a new master

He shall earn but a penny a day

Because his employer is a bastard

THE LOST WEEKEND

 

Oh, what calamity did befall?

What an embarrassment for us all

We over imbibed on Saturday night

And awoke on Sunday none too bright

On the porch the paper lay unread

We couldn’t face it and went back to bed

So next morning which was Monday

We found the paper and thought it was Sunday

So, we had a relaxing fun day

Not realising it was really Monday

On Tuesday when I returned to work

I really felt a proper berk

My boss had a true-blue fit

And saw no humour at all in it

And verbally assailed me with his rancour

Then he called me a total fool

SACKED

 

I have been given the sack,

Let go, dismissed, terminated

And it was a misunderstanding

That has left me so deflated

 

I just simply didn’t realise

And here’s the bitter sting

That overlook and oversee

Didn’t mean the same thing

TGIF

 

I have just looked at the clock

And it’s left me feeling great

It’s 4 o’clock on Friday afternoon

Or what I like to call the home straight

DISRESPECTING THE BOSS

 

Gwen looks like Mavis Cruet,

The plump clumsy fairy,

The one from Willo the Wisp

All warty and hairy

 

Mavis was too fat too fly

With erratic magical powers

Gwen knows what we call her

And she sits in her office and glowers

 

She may look like Mavis Cruet,

But in truth she’s like Evil Edna

And she will wreak her revenge

Because she’s our employer

BUSAN TO SEOUL

I’m moving from Busan to Seoul

But my family don’t approve

But I start a new job in Seoul next week

And it’s a good Korea move

SATURDAY’S GIRL

 

Saturday’s girl

Thinks only of work

No time to live

No appetite to shirk

 

Work is her life

Her own personal heaven

Seven days a week

Twenty-four seven

 

But when she looks back

At the end of her days

Will she regret?

Her workaholic ways

TEMPORARY AFFLICTION

 

I have a stack of work to do

With deadlines to meet too

So much work I can’t get into

Because I just sit and stare at Sue

 

Sue is the new temporary

And she’s got me quite contrary

The last temp was very scary

Not to mention rather hairy

 

But Sue is such a rare beauty

Down to earth not at all snooty

But it’s hard to fulfil my duty

When I think of Sue getting fruity

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY

 

All work and no play

Makes Jack a dull boy

All work and no play

Makes a life without joy

 

Don’t live to work

Take time for leisure

You should work to live

Life should be a pleasure

 

You don’t have to work

Every hour that God sends

Spend precious time

With family and friends

 

Don’t work all the time Jack

Get this into your head

You’re only alive for a short time

But you’re a long time dead

INDISPENSABILITY

 

You think you are an important employee

You think to yourself “they can’t replace me”

Indispensability is in your frame of mind

Always on hand, one of the reliable kind

You never take vacations your work is your life

You work every weekend no time for a wife

There is more to life than work, no don’t scoff

Work is a means to an end, take some time off

You may think you are indispensable but you’re not

You think your contribution will never be forgot

But the thing that you will find most incredible

Is that the graveyard is full of the indispensable

WORKPLACE WOES

 

9 out of 10 women

At my company

Accused me of sexual harassment

And are suing me

And I’m being sued for discrimination

By plain Jane my 10th employee

CLEAN SWEEP

 

A clean desk is the sign

Of a sick mind

A clean house is the sign

Of a wasted life

A clean mind is….

Just unnatural

GETTING ON IN YOUR CAREER

 

After many years I am forced to conclude

It will almost certainly be your attitude

In the workplace and not your aptitude

That will determine your ultimate altitude

GOOD JOB SON

 

My son got a job today

At a bowling establishment

“Ten pin” I asked him

“Oh no” he said “it’s permanent”

WORKING LATES AND EARLIES

 

Why is it that the boss

Is in the office bright and early

Only on those particular days

When the rest of us are tardy

But is noticeably late

On the days that we are early

GETTING THE BOOTS

Bimbette was fired from her job

At the local pharmacy

The reason for her dismissal

With which she did not agree

 

Was For failing to print labels

For the prescription medicines

Which she vehemently denied

And would fight by any means

 

Her claim for wrongful dismissal

However, she was not a winner

As her defence, was that the bottles

Would not fit into the printer

A BRIGHT SPARK

 

Dave wanted to take a few days off

But he had already used all his holidays

So he thought if he acted mad

He might get sent home for a few days

 

So he hung upside down from a light fitting

And made a selection of funny noises

Blonde Bimbette the office temp,

Asked him what on earth he was doing

“I’m pretending to be a light bulb”

He said “In this ceiling light array

So the Boss will think I’m mad

And send me home for a few days”

 

Then the boss came in to the office

And asked what the hell he was doing

He told him “I’m a light bulb of course”

As he hung upside down from a light fitting

 

The boss said he was suffering from stress

And should go home for a few days

So he jumped down from the ceiling

And left the office for his bonus holidays

 

Then Bimbette the temp headed for the door

“Where are you going?" the boss had to ask

"Well I'm going home too” she replied

“You can’t expect me to work in the dark”

SORE POINT

 

One of the guys was off sick yesterday

He had a sore throat well that’s what he says

But he was seen in a pub trying to cure it

By pouring pints of lager down it

TGIF

 

I have just looked at the clock

And it’s left me feeling great

It’s 4 o’clock on Friday afternoon

Or what I like to call the home straight