CHRISTMAS IS FOR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

 

Christmas is for friends and family,

But by no means exclusively

After all the Three Wise Men

Were strangers in Bethlehem

WE BROKE UP LAST CHRISTMAS

We broke up last Christmas

A hasty knee jerk reaction

To a silly misunderstanding

Which I regretted so much

And I was still hoping

For some kind of miracle

That we might make amends

When we met by chance

And there was a spark

I was looking closely

For some kind of sign

That we might go back

To how things were

But it was soon apparent

That it was too late now

To salvage our relationship

That was born and died

At Christmas time

THOUGHTS OF YOU POP INTO MY HEAD

 

You’re just a name in an address book

But thoughts of you pop into my head

Some distant half-forgotten memories

Of when we shared a home and a bed,

In quiet moments I wish us back there

Where I had a special place in your heart

But it would take a Christmas miracle

For us to go back in time to the start

It was a very special Christmas love, but

Too much time has passed since then

And it’s too late now to have regrets

For love that died by the seasons end

WORLD RECORD MEMBERSHIP

 

I’m not bragging

When I say this

But my Penis was once

In the Guinness Book

Of World Records

It’s true, no word of a lie

But then the Librarian

Told me to take it out

LOST IN TRANSLATION APPARENTLY

 

Contrary to a belief

I’ve held for a while

Nuance isn’t actually

French for paedophile

CANCER CARE

 

Not wishing for a moment

To add insult onto injury

But Cancer Care has now

Become a growth industry

ITS TIME TO HAUL OUT THE HOLLY

 

Let’s haul out the holly

And I’ll make you blush

If you would just let me

Trim your Christmas bush

SAINT PATRICK'S DAY CELEBRATIONS

 

On Saint Patrick's Day,

As well as celebrating

The heritage and culture

Of the Irish peoples

Celebrations involve

Public parades and festivals,

Wearing of green attire

And displaying shamrocks

And drinking to excess

 

His feast day is March 17th

SAINT GEORGE’S FEAST DAY

 

The feast day of Saint George

Also known as Saint George's Day

Is the National Day in England

Though not a Bank Holiday

Saint George is the patron Saint

Of patriotic Englishmen

 

His feast day is April 23rd

The Islands in the Bay – Chapter (091) In Sharpington Marina

 

When Debbie guided the Sloop into the mooring Daryn jumped off onto the jetty and secured the boat fore and aft and then took Debbie’s  hand and helped her off.

“I really enjoyed that” he said

“Me too” she concurred and that was the moment when they were face to face in the evening sunshine when he could have kissed her, he wanted to, and she wanted him to, so before he lost his nerve, he kissed her.

“That was wonderful” Debbie said “But…”

“There’s a but?” he retorted

“Unfortunately yes” she confirmed

“Oh, there’s someone else” he 

“No,” she said emphatically

“What then?”

 “I’m just desperate for a pee” Debbie replied, and they both laughed, then he grabbed her hand and ran down the jetty.

“Not too fast” she giggled “I’ll wet myself”

 

After she’d relieved herself in the Marina Lavatory and tidied her hair and makeup she reappeared and found Daryn sitting on a capstan.

“Better?” he asked

“Much” she replied with a giggle

“I thought we could eat at L'uccello Canto, if that’s ok with you” he said

“Absolutely, that’s my favourite restaurant” she enthused and put her arm through his.

 

It was dark when they left the restaurant after they had enjoyed an excellent meal and a glass or two of wine and as they walked along the promenade he asked

“Did you have a pee before we left the restaurant?”

“Yes, why?”

“Because I want to kiss you again” he said as he turned to face her

“And I don’t want any interruptions”

“Oh ok” she responded and then he kissed her in the moonlight, a prolonged and passionate kiss which led to them making love that night aboard the Sea Nymph in Sharpington Marina.

 

They started the next morning by making love again before walking into Sharpington for breakfast, so it was midmorning by the time they set sail and as the wind was against them it was a much slower crossing, but they were happy with that, as they stood side by side at the helm.

It was late afternoon when they navigated their way into the mouth of the Spanish River and while she was manoeuvring the sloop alongside the quay, he received a text from Adam Jandrell.

“How would you like to go to dinner tonight?” He asked

“I thought you were getting the last ferry” she replied

“I was”

“But you’re not now?” she asked hopefully

“No, I’m staying another night” he replied

“So are you on for dinner?”

“Of course I am” she said and hugged him

“And if you play your cards right you could stay for breakfast” he added

“Now you’re talking” she said and kissed him

 

After mooring the Sea Nymph they walked hand in hand down the tow path to the carpark and shared a goodbye kiss.

Debbie was rushing home to clean herself up and get into a posh frock ready for their dinner date, and her best underwear for afters.

 

Over dinner he explained why he was staying on the island for the extra night, it was because he was meeting with Project Manager Adam Jandrell on Monday morning about some stonemasonry work on St Clara’s Church. 

“And you know what that means?” he said, and she just looked at him blankly

“It means I’m going to be spending more time on the islands” he said, and a smile played around her mouth

“How much more?” she asked suspiciously

“Months” he replied, and the smile spread over her face

 

That night they made love in the comfort of a four-poster bed at the Beaumont Manor Hotel, which felt like a special celebration of their developing relationship which was now a burgeoning love.

 

The next day they said a very special goodbye in his room before they went their separate ways, Debbie to Roman Water Farm and Daryn to Spaniards Creek for his significant  meeting with Adam Jandrell on the site on the west of the river.

The Islands in the Bay – Chapter (090) Plain Sailing

 

On the first Friday in May, Daryn Goldsmith was in Spaniards Creek to perform the final inspection on the eastern Spanish River site.

He was a stonemason by trade but doubled up as the Islands Building inspector, which was scarcely even a part time occupation.

He was forty-eight years old and was widowed, and on his first visit to the island, fifty-year-old farmer Debbie Wilson reversed her car into his in the Stephenson’s Supermarket carpark.

She was deeply apologetic and insisted on exchanging details, even though he was satisfied there was no damage.

Later that day she phoned him and offered to buy him a coffee on the pretence of an apology.

In truth she wanted some romance back in her life whether out of desperation or loneliness, so had decided to dip her toe back in the water and begin dating and she saw the accident as providence.

So they met at the Galleon Coffee shop in Spaniards Creek and made a very strong connection, and apart from being attracted to each other they also discovered a shared love of sailing.

They had subsequently met for coffee or lunch every time he was on the island for an inspection and a few more when he had just made the trip to see her.

However they hadn’t really gone beyond the friendship phase even though there was a distinct romantic vibe going on.

 

On the upcoming weekend, they both hoped that would change, but he didn’t get to see her on Friday as she had a full day on the farm, so he did all of his inspections and even had time to take a look around the Church,

The Vicar even agreed to let him go up in the bell tower so he could have a look at the masonry and spent a very pleasant hour in conversation with her.

 

On Friday night he stayed at the Beaumont Manor and after a healthy breakfast he drove down to Spaniards Creek and parked close to the river and followed the tow path to where “The Sea Nymph” was moored.

It was a 30ft Masthead Sloop, wooden hulled and built on the island in 1934, but as beautiful as the boat was, he thought the owner was even more so, when he caught sight of her working on the boat.

Debbie’s was a very tall and striking looking woman, with the sun illuminating her long ginger hair, and he was greeted by her radiant smiling freckled face.

She was not as smartly dressed as usual, and was sporting a pair of boating shoes, cut off denim shorts and a white T-Shirt.

“Come aboard” Debbie said and flashed him another smile.

Once aboard they exchanged a kiss on the cheek, and she said

“Stow your bag below, and you can help me get her ready to sail”

“Aye aye skipper” he retorted “I’ll change into my shorts while I’m down there, I feel a bit overdressed”

“Don’t be long though” Debbie responded

“You’re looking really good by the way” he added just before he went below. 

 

When he reappeared, he helped her prepare for departure, he was an experienced sailor, so he knew what he was doing, he just hadn’t sailed since before his wife got ill.

He cast off and jumped back aboard as she steered away from the quay

“Here put this on” she said offering him a bright orange buoyancy aid, and as they got into the channel, she put one on herself.

 

It was a beautiful bright morning, sunny with a light breeze, and after she raised the sail, he watched her deftly handle the boat getting the most out of the breeze until they were racing along and they virtually had the seas to themselves apart from a couple of other vessels, a ferry and the Water Taxi.

 

He had missed sailing, he didn’t realise how much until he was out on the sloop with Debbie, and the scenery was quietly spectacular, and it was quite exhilarating with the wind blowing through his brown hair and the spray cooling his face, and of course there was a gorgeous woman at the helm with her ginger main streaming behind her.

All of a sudden, she turned to look at him and smiled as if she knew what he was thinking, and she said

“Are you enjoying it?”

“Yes, very much” he replied unsure what she was referring to.

“Would you like to have a go?” she asked

“Can I?” he asked

Although the sloop was old it was supremely graceful in the water, and it handled beautifully

So they stood shoulder to shoulder as the Sea Nymph glided across the bay but then about an hour later the wind died away.

“Why don’t we put into Sharpington Marina for the night” Debbie suggested.

“Good idea” he said, “But only if I can take you to dinner”

“You’re on”

SNOWMEN REALLY LIKE CAKE

 

Snowmen really like cake

Which isn’t surprising

They don’t have a favourite

But they like thick icing

SNOWMEN EAT BREAKFAST # 1

 

Snowmen eat breakfast

Let’s make no mistakes

And their favourite dish

Is a bowl of snowflakes

SNOWMEN EAT BREAKFAST # 2

 

Snowmen eat breakfast

But never Potato Rösti’s

Their dish of choice

Is just a bowl of Frosties

SNOWMEN FOR BREAKFAST

 

Snowmen for breakfast

Eat pancakes of course

Their topping of choice,

Has to be Chilly sauce!

 

WATCH OUT IN TRANSYLVANIA

 

Watch out in Transylvania

Because the snowmen

Will, given the chance,

Give you a nasty frostbite

MEDICAL SALAD

 

He has celery sticking out of his left ear,

And lettuce sticking out of the right,

Ans asked the doctor what was wrong

The doctor says, “you're not eating right.”

I THREW MY ROOT BEER

 

I threw my root beer

Straight in the bin

Because Dr Pepper

Is like fizzy Benylin