A Little Bit Of Humour # 160

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 394

Friday's child
Is loving and giving,
(Especially on a Friday night when they’re pissed)

ARE YOU WEARING PINK? # 2

Are you wearing a Pink?
Oh I understand that wink
My pretty little Barbie girl
As you give me a twirl
What you’re intimating I think
Is that everything is pink
And it’s an image to bewitch
When you hint at every stitch

THE MOST PERFECT SUMMER DRINK # 2

The most perfect drink
To quench a thirst, for me
On a hot summers day
Is a perfect cup of tea

I NEED YOU TO DELETE ME FROM YOUR ADDRESS BOOK

“I need you to delete me from your address book”
My ex-girlfriend emailed me to express
I pondered for some time before I replied
“Who is this? And how did you get this address?”

MY SISTER IS A SOPHISTICATE

My sister is a sophisticate
And has travelled far away
She’s been to a Taj Mahal
That isn’t an Indian takeaway

I LOVE FRIDAY, IT’S A SPECIAL DAY

I love Friday, it’s a special day
But nothing ruins that Friday feeling
Quite as much as the realisation
That it’s still actually Thursday

MONEY TALKS IS THE SAYING

“Money talks” is the saying
I’m not quite sure why
If my money could talk
It would only ever say good-bye

THE OLD SAYING GOES

The old saying goes
“If you can't beat them, join them”
But a rethink is called for,
“If you can't beat them”,
Rather than joining them
You should “beat them”,
Because they will be expecting
You to “join them”,
As a result you will take them
Completely by surprise

WOMEN MIGHT BE ABLE TO FAKE ORGASMS

Women might be able to fake orgasms
It’s due to how Mother Nature equip
Although men aren’t born with that ability
But they can fake a whole relationship

MY SISTER SAYS THEY ARE BOTHERED BY A RACCOON

My sister says they are bothered by a Raccoon
Who boldly take things off their veranda
It’s very brazen, and is one of nature’s scroungers
Although she calls it their garbage Panda

I FLEW ON AN INFAMOUS BUDGET AIRLINE

I flew on an infamous budget airline
Who charged for every single item
Except for the bad service, that was free,
Which was very generous of them

GOD BLESSED US WITH THE BRAIN

God blessed us with the brain
To solve very complex problems
However human nature means
Using it creates more problems

I DISCOVERED WHEN WE WERE ON HOLIDAY

I discovered when we were on holiday
That my girlfriend screams the same way
Whether a shark might render her caput
Or a piece of dead seaweed touches her foot

MY GRANDMA TOLD ME HER JOINTS TROUBLE HER

My grandma told me her joints trouble her
And elaborated, saying they are getting weaker
I said I had a way to make her life brighter
If she was just to roll her spliffs a bit tighter

WHEN I TAKE THE TIME TO PONDER MY SITUATION

When I take the time to ponder my situation
I consider myself to lead a very lucky life,
Because the fine cognac that I drink is older
Than the woman I’m happy to call my wife