72 Miles From The Sea

Wednesday 1 March 2023

I upset my English teacher

So, I tried to comfort her

And said There, Their, They’re

I asked “When did you last have sex?”

My uncle replied “1956”

“That long ago” I exclaimed “Wow”

And he said “it’s only 20.35 now

Last year I went on holiday to Australia

And was asked by an immigration bore

“Do you have any criminal convictions?”

I said “I didn’t think I needed one anymore”

What do you call a sheep tied up

To a lamppost with a piece of string

Well it depends where you are

But some would see it as a sure thing

The Italian chicken crossed the road

Because he wouldn’t fight side by side

So that was the reason he crossed the road

In order to surrender to the other side

How do you think they got rid,

In days bygone,

Of the Prussian Aristocracy,

It was Von by Von

Why do the French eat snails?

It’s an odd habit, without being rude

The only explanation I can find

Is that the French don’t like fast food