I’M A CRUMPET MAN

 

I’m a crumpet man

I don’t mind confessin’

But equally I like

Buns, baps and muffin

I WAS OUT ON THE LASH ON SATURDAY NIGHT

 

I was out on the lash on Saturday night

But I think it ended in disgrace

As I woke up in a skip next morning

With a kebab stuck to my face

I HATE AUTOMATED SWITCHBOARDS

 

I hate automated switchboards

They are so annoyingly slow

I wanted to book tickets

For an Elvis act a know

Each minute on the phone

Was costing me dough

Then at last it said press 1

For the money, 2 for the show

VINDALOO

 

He had the Tarka Vindaloo

The rotter

It’s like Chicken Vindaloo

But its otter

I WORK AT THE MET OFFICE

 

I work at the met office

And my name is Bob

I have to do the pollen count

God it’s a difficult job

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 156

 

Tom, Tom of Islington,

Married a wife on Sunday,

And that’s all I will tell

Because to be honest it doesn’t end well

ARE YOU WEARING PERFUME?

 

Are you wearing perfume?

I can smell it in this room

It’s a very seductive brew

Are you sure its not you?

Then the answer is clear

And your brother has I fear

Without our consent Suzy

Been entertaining a floozy