WHEN MY WIFE REACHED FORTY

 

When my wife reached forty

Despite all the happy memories

I was left with no alternative

But to change her for two twenties

FEMINIST CHEESE

 

Feminists once burned their bras

Which understandably caused a stir

But today we have a feminist cheese

And it’s been named Germaine Gruyere

FASHION CYCLES

 

There was a well-dressed person on a unicycle

And a poorly dressed person on a bicycle

A more contrasting pair you could not desire

And the difference between them was attire

THERE WERE TWO PENCILS

 

There were two pencils

But you could tell them apart

Quite easily because

One of them looked sharp

MY JOB CHOSE ME

My job chose me, unlike

Ordinary work slaves

I became an undertaker

As my name is Phil Graves

THE AUCTIONEER ON THE DAY

 

The auctioneer on the day

Was my best friend Domingo

And he says that the Auctions

Are like middle class bingo

POSSESSED BUNDLE

 

My TV programmer is on the blink

The things possessed I'm in no doubt

It records the programs I don't like

And plays them back when I go out