I WAS NEARLY KILLED BY A SALT LORRY

 

I was nearly killed by a salt lorry

As I was riding in Surrey Heath

I was so angry I shouted at the driver

Though it was through gritted teeth

FASHION CYCLES

 

There was a well-dressed person on a unicycle

And a poorly dressed person on a bicycle

A more contrasting pair you could not desire

And the difference between them was attire

MAMIL IS AN ACRONYM

 

MAMIL is an acronym

For “Middle Aged Men In Lycra”

I have to confess that’s not the word

I use for an old peddle cycler

A MAN AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE

 

A man at the press conference,

Stood up at the podium,

Not one of the lycra clad blokes,

And declared he was spokesman

Asked to clarify he said

“I’m the man in charge of spokes”

A BICYCLE COULDN'T STAND UP

 

A bicycle couldn't stand up

Alone it transpired

Because after a cycle

It was obviously two tired

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE ……..

 

It was a terrifying moment when the world seemed to revert to slow motion, and I thank God for that because had it not I would have killed him.

I was on my way home in the early evening gloom of a December day, it was slow progress as it had been for months due to major road works and I had sat through two light change sequences before my journey finally got underway.

Well when I say “I was on my way home” I was actually on my way to pick up my wife Tina first which is why I was driving down Maybury Road.

It was a single track, one way street running parallel with the railway line from Sheerwater into Woking Town Centre which is heavily tree lined along the railway side and predominantly terraced housing on the other.

It’s quite a long stretch of road and runs as straight as an arrow and under normal circumstances such a stretch of road might tempt you into excessive speed.

However running on the left hand side of Maybury Road is a cycle lane and on the right intermittently  parked cars which narrow the road dramatically and this combined with very poor lighting and a significant number of side roads a cautious 20 to 25 mph was the order of the day.

So it was under the afore mentioned conditions that I proceeded along Maybury Road towards Woking Town centre.

I had just about reached halfway when I saw a well-equipped cyclist ahead of me in the cycle lane I slowed to 20 mph as I passed it, leaving as much room as was possible given the parked cars on the off side.

I safely passed the cyclist and was just beginning to think about increasing my speed but instead I took my foot off the gas as I neared the rear end of a parked Ford Transit van and just as I did so another cyclist appeared from the darkness heading straight for me.

He had been riding along the pavement when a number of pedestrian inconveniently blocked his path so he swerved out into the road and straight into my path.

He was dressed in dark clothing and the bike had no lights so he was almost invisible and I only spotted him at the very last second as the van had turned on his lights.

I slammed on the brakes and slewed the car sideways so my front end way blocking the cycle lane, fortunately the bike I had passed had not caught me up.

The whole incident took little more than a second yet seemed to run in slow motion, I think if it hadn’t I would have him.

Of course time didn’t really slow down it was just the way my brain processed it.

I missed hitting the hapless bike rider by the width of a bike wheel and we finished up with him sandwiched between me and the van.

But quite unperturbed he picked up his bike and wriggled between me and the van and was quickly on his way.

I on the other hand just sat where I had come to a stop with my heart pounding in my chest.

My hands gripping the steering wheel so tight my knuckles were white, and there I sat until I heard a tapping on my passenger door window

 

“Are you alright?” A muffled voice asked

I wound down the window

“Are you alright?” The voice asked again

It was the girl on the bike I had over taken a minute or so earlier

“Yes” I replied “it just took my breath away”

“Bloody idiot” she said

That’s a bit harsh I thought to myself I didn’t do anything wrong

“Its idiots like that that give us cyclists a bad name” she said indignantly

And she gave me a smile and was on her way.

Just at that moment the driver behind me sounded his horn which brought me out of my torpor and I drove off.

When I met Tina outside her building I got in the passenger side and let her drive.

I recounted the story of what had happened and then reflected on what might have been.

Had I not backed off the gas when I did, or had the van not turned on his lights when it did it may have been a tragedy rather than an anecdote.

FASHION CYCLES

 

There was a well-dressed person on a unicycle

And a poorly dressed person on a bicycle

A more contrasting pair you could not desire

And the difference between them was attire