21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 422

 

Mary Mary quite contrary

Why isn’t that a surprise?

She’s contradicted me again

And made me roll my eyes

ARE YOU WEARING CLAM DIGGERS?

 

Are you wearing clam diggers?

How very beachcomber of you

However inappropriate, given

The fact seafood makes you spew

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 8

 

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

Contrary to the rumour, are not dead

They are in the Australian jungle

Doing “I’m a Celebrity” instead

I AM A REALLY TERRIBLE COOK

 

I am a really terrible cook

I’ve burnt everything so far

I’m definitely not Cordon Bleu

In fact I’m more Cordon Noir

WHO LED THE ISRAELITES

 

Who led the Israelites?

On their collective toeses

Through the semi-permeable

Membrane? It was Osmoses

FRED ASTAIRE WAS BELIEVED TO BE

 

Fred Astaire was believed to be

The greatest Dancer in his field

But Ginger Rodgers did the same

Only backwards and in heels

MY IPHONE IS FROZEN

 

My iPhone is frozen

My Mac is deceased

My iPad misplaced

And my iPod is dead 

In fact all my Apple’s

Have gone pear shaped