AT ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF AGE SHE WAS ASKED

At one hundred years of age she was asked

At her age what thing gave her the most pleasure?

She thought for a moment before she replied

The most satisfying thing was “No peer pressure” 

WHY DO YOU LOOK BEMUSED?

 

Why do you look bemused?

It’s just our point of view

But sometimes we are not

Thinking about you

PLEASE DON’T GET ME WRONG

 

Please don’t get me wrong

It’s not that I’m a prude

And under the right circumstances

I quite like being rude

But at the end of the day

I just find Keith Lemon crude

MY WIFE WENT TO THE BEAUTY PARLOUR

 

My wife went to the beauty parlour

And had a mudpack applied

Which improved her appearance

Until it fell off and she cried

THE JURY FOREMAN CLEARLY ANNOUNCED

 

The jury foreman clearly announced

To the court "Not guilty of robbery"

The defendant asked his solicitor

"Does that mean I can keep the money?"

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 280

 

This is the way the farmers ride

Hobbledy-hoy!

Hobbledy-hoy!

This is the way the farmers ride

Get off my land you rambling bastards

ARE YOU WEARING TINSEL IN YOUR HAIR?

 

Are you wearing tinsel in your hair?

Sitting atop your golden curls

You look so very angelic to me

A jewel more precious than pearls

But looks can be deceiving

Angel with the golden curls

And later on, I might well discover

You’re one of the naughty girls