ARE YOU ADDICTED TO PLASTIC SURGERY?

 

Are you addicted to plastic surgery?

Or just had more than your fair share

Well, it’s a sure sign when your surgeon

Is an employee of Tupperware

AS THEY STOOD BEFORE THE ALTAR

 

As they stood before the altar

At the proudest moment of their life

The Reverend said “I now pronounce

You Husband and Wife”

“You may now update your Facebook status”

MY GRANDDADS GREATEST PLEASURE

 

My granddads greatest pleasure

Was his allotment

So, in his will he instructed

His son Peter

To sprinkle his ashes

Over the beloved plot

Lightly forking them in

At one ounce per square metre

DIETING TIP # 4

 

When you eat with someone else

Anything consumed off their plate

Is calorie free because they will

Cling to the other person’s plate

MY BROTHER IS SUCH A PESSIMIST

 

My brother is such a pessimist

It has been his great tormentor

He’s so pessimistic that if there

Was a contest he wouldn’t enter

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 252

 

Mary had a little lamb

And how sweet the lamb looks

Then the midwife said

“Well, that’s one for the textbooks”

ARE YOU WEARING SUNNIES?

 

Are you wearing sunnie’s?

Oh, dear you do look funny

I almost didn’t recognize you honey

 

You’re spending the week incognito?

Oh, how lovely I’ve always wanted to go

But no one recognizes you though