SHE WAS MARRIED TO HIM

She was married to him

For three years, just over

And didn't know he drank

Until he came home sober

DIETING TIP # 3

 

I don’t know all the science involved

It’s something to do with gravity

But anything you consume while you

Are standing up contains no calories

THE DEVIL LANDED ON THE CHURCH ROOF

 

The devil landed on the church roof

The vicar said “Show him your cross”

So, the curate went outside and shouted

“Piss off you red horned piece of dross”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 251

 

Mary had a little lamb

The sweetest lamb devised

But when all said and done

The midwife was surprised

ARE YOU WEARING A PITH HELMET

 

Are you wearing a pith helmet?

Oh, the great white hunter yet

But that’s just a pose you strike

Great white tin opener more like

ARE YOU WEARING A HALLOWEEN JUMPER?

 

Are you wearing a Halloween Jumper?

Well, its contents are rather bumper

The skeleton motive I should mention

Is not needed to attract my attention

IF THE MOUNTAINS OF THE WORLD

 

If the mountains of the world

Were to be put to the test

The most intelligent one

Would be mount cleverest