I HATE THE ONE PENCE PIECES

 

I hate the one pence pieces

5p’s and tuppence’s

I suppose you think it strange

But I simply don’t like change

AS WE APPROACHED THE AIRPORT

 

As we approached the airport

The warning light went on

And I had to return the stewardess

To the upright position

MY NEW GIRLFRIEND IS FROM GLASGOW

 

My new girlfriend is from Glasgow

And when I met her Father and Mother

I found they were incredibly posh, 

They served deep fried Ferrero Rocher

WE ALL PLAYED CHARADES

We all played Charades

At the in laws on Boxing Day

My wife’s Uncle Jack

Really went for it I must say

We were really impressed

By his energetic display

It was ten minutes before we knew

His heart had given way 

ON LIFE’S JOURNEY WE ARE ALL

 

On life’s journey we are all

Looking for the one

And I can safely say that I

Married the one

On a scale of one to ten

She was a one

WHEREVER MY FATHER IS RIGHT NOW # 2

 

Wherever my father is right now

I’m sure he’s looking down

He’s definitely not dead yet

He’s just a condescending git

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 173

 

Father Christmas, Father Christmas,

He got stuck, he got stuck;

Coming down the chimney,

Coming down the chimney;

Too much tuck, too much tuck.