The moment I first saw her
Was at the county fair
She was in a summer
dress
And fiddling with her
hair
It was love at first
sight
When I saw her there
She smiled at me and
said
Her name was Claire
We had a nice time
together
But later when she was
bare
Was when we could
truly say
On the Mull of Kintyre
I stood atop the steep
cliffs
On a day so crisp and
clear
And looked out towards
the east
And it was possible to
see
The mystical Ailsa
Craig
And the Ayrshire coast
beyond
Pat a cake, Pat a cake, Bakers man
Bake me a cake as fast as you can;
Full of E numbers and artificial flavouring
Then microwave it until
the oven pings
Are you wearing baggy trousers?
For any particular
reason
They aren’t the height
of fashion
They’re not even last
season
You think they look
“cool”
Whereas they look
simply shoddy
I don’t know why you wear
them
Unless you have a
baggy body
This is a public information message
The information is for
everyone
Kindly heed this
important warning
If you wish to heat or
cook a bun
Using the microwave
and the toaster
Simultaneously must
not be done
It could throw the
earth out of orbit
And send us crashing
into the sun
There is a pill, that I take a lot
I take it when I don’t
feel so hot
I knew the name but
then I forgot
And the nameless pill
I take a lot
Tells me I'm happy
when I'm not
They make my eyes itch
They make me sneeze
They make me cough
They make me wheeze
They make me choke
They make me seize
Give me a cure
Oh won’t you please
Free me from
These allergies
