PICTURE HOUSE MODE

 

Bimbette and Peaches

Plus seventeen friends

All went to the cinema

 

At the booking office

The girl enquired

“Blimey why so many of yer?”

 

Bimbette said in reply

“Coz the advert says

18 or over."

THANK YOU FOR YOUR FAVOURS

 

Thank you for your favours, and joy they're bringing

Thanks coz now my pee is stinging

I wish I’d gone without it, I say in all honesty

What would life be?

Without an itch or a rash what are we?

So I say thank you for your favours

For giving them to me

So I Say
Thank you for that infection
For giving it to me...

 

Sung to the tune of “Thank you for the music” by ABBA

WHAT I SAW OF MY COUSIN

 

I pushed open the bathroom door

And there before me stood

My young cousin towelling off

So I looked away as soon as I could

 

I quickly told her I was sorry and

I saw nothing which wasn’t quite true

I did see her ample breasts

But didn’t see a nipple or two

 

I often recall that morning

Being a man of simple pleasures

When I got to see her chest

But didn’t glimpse her treasures

SENIOR WINE

 

Forget the Pinot Grigio and its ilk

And the endless night time wee’s

Would you like anti-diuretic wine?

Then the Pinot More should please

MUSIC TO SOOTHE THE SAVAGE BEAST

 

The shepherd lad called shep,

Though that was a Sobriquet,

Watched over his ragged flock

As he sat playing his flageolet

 

So enchanting was the melody

Played on his small fipple flute

It mesmerised the watching wolf

Making him easier to shoot

REGULAR HABITS

 

I pee every morning at 6 am.

Like the proverbial racehorse

And I evacuate my bowels

30 minutes later in force

Which would be perfect

If by then I was awake of course

DOCTOR PLEASE

 

“Doctor please help me?

I have a ringing in my ears"

He replied “if they ask for me

Tell them I’m not here”