72 Miles From The Sea

ARE YOU WEARING JUST A SMILE?

Are you wearing just a smile?

Beneath your uniform all the while

Though outwardly well uniformed

You stand there unadorned

Beneath your starchy exterior

You are naked front and rear

Nurse, nurse check my breeches

I’m about to pop my stitches

WIND IN THE WILLOWS # 2

The naughty Toad in the hole

And his friend Guacamole

Along with Ratatouille

Thought Badger quite chewy

MAYDAY MODE

"Mayday, Mayday. SOS, Mayday

My pilot has had a heart attack and died

Can anybody out there hear me?”

The panicky blonde passenger cried

Suddenly a voice comes over the radio

And spoke with reassuring charm

“Just relax; I’m going to talk you down

But it’s important that you stay calm”

“Just give me your height and position

And then we’ll get you down from there”
“Well if you really need to know I'm 5'1"

And I'm sitting in the pilot’s chair."

The radio went silent like for a moment

As if they’d gone completely off the air

Then the voice from the tower returned

“Do you know the Lords prayer?”

ON THE ROCKS

Vodka with ice is bad for you

Rum with ice is bad for you

Whiskey with ice is bad for you

Gin with ice is bad for you

I think we should refrain

From using ice, don’t you

DON’T MAKE A SPECTACLE OF YOURSELF

If you walk into everything

Because your eyesight is chronic

Then the next thing you should do

Is walk into the walk in clinic

NAMING THE CONSTABULARY

Since the days of the bow street runners

When they numbered but a few

There have been slang names

For our wonderful boys in blue

From the old bill and lily law

To the filth, pigs and Bobbies

The fuzz, the plod and the Rozzers

To the Peelers, Coppers and Bizzies

This is just the tip of the ice berg

There are many more I know

I find some of the modern ones

Just a little absurd though

I get the cultural reference

In calling the police 5 0

But I think it’s a bit pre school

Calling the police, the Po Po

HEALTHY EATING

I’m trying to eat more healthily

Because you really can’t beat it

But when I buy rocket salad

It goes off before I can eat it