ARE YOU WEARING BIG KNICKERS?

 

Are you wearing big knickers?

Those good old-fashioned drawers

That cover everything that matters

But are still the source of phwors

MY LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS # 2

 

Rotund young women as round as they’re tall

Frumpy old maids with no dress sense at all

Middle aged women who think it’s still spring

These are a few of my least favourite things

THE MERITS OF FERRETS

 

The merits of ferrets

Are the traits he inherits

For hunting the rabbit

In the place they inhabit

THE QUIZZICAL SON

 

A young boy comes home from school

And addresses his father quizzically

"Dad, what's the difference between

Theoretically and realistically?"

 
His Dad considered for a moment

Then replied "this calls for a demonstration,

Go and ask Mum if she would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

The son raced off to ask his mother

Quickly returning with what he’d found

"Dad she said she would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pounds"

 
His Dad considered for a moment

Then replied "Ok another demonstration,

Go and ask your Sister if she would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

 

The son raced off to ask his mother

Quickly returning with what he’d found

"Dad she said she would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pounds"

 
His Dad considered for a moment

Then replied "Ok one final demonstration,

Go and ask your Brother if he would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

 
The son raced off to ask his mother

Quickly returning with what he’d found

"Dad he said he would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pounds"

 
"Well there’s your answer, we could

Have three million pounds, theoretically.             

But as it turns out what we have is

Two slappers and a homosexual, realistically."

A SOLEMN UNDERTAKING

 

When drivers choose to undertake

A risky manoeuvre is undertaken

But what they risk undertaking

Is an appointment with an undertaker

 

SHAMPOO MODUS

 

Bimbette was in the bathroom

And Clair shouted up to her

“You can use my shampoo

If you want to wash your hair”

And Bimbette shouted back

“Thanks, but I can’t use it Clair,

It says it’s only for dry hair

And mine is wet to be fair”

BREAKFAST FOR MAISIE

 

This morning, mewing loudly

The cat greeted me

She clearly wanted her breakfast

So I gave her mewsly