THE QUIZZICAL SON

 

A young boy comes home from school

And addresses his father quizzically

"Dad, what's the difference between

Theoretically and realistically?"

 
His Dad considered for a moment

Then replied "this calls for a demonstration,

Go and ask Mum if she would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

The son raced off to ask his mother

Quickly returning with what he’d found

"Dad she said she would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pounds"

 
His Dad considered for a moment

Then replied "Ok another demonstration,

Go and ask your Sister if she would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

 

The son raced off to ask his mother

Quickly returning with what he’d found

"Dad she said she would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pounds"

 
His Dad considered for a moment

Then replied "Ok one final demonstration,

Go and ask your Brother if he would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

 
The son raced off to ask his mother

Quickly returning with what he’d found

"Dad he said he would sleep with

Ed Balls for a million pounds"

 
"Well there’s your answer, we could

Have three million pounds, theoretically.             

But as it turns out what we have is

Two slappers and a homosexual, realistically."

A SOLEMN UNDERTAKING

 

When drivers choose to undertake

A risky manoeuvre is undertaken

But what they risk undertaking

Is an appointment with an undertaker

 

SHAMPOO MODUS

 

Bimbette was in the bathroom

And Clair shouted up to her

“You can use my shampoo

If you want to wash your hair”

And Bimbette shouted back

“Thanks, but I can’t use it Clair,

It says it’s only for dry hair

And mine is wet to be fair”

BREAKFAST FOR MAISIE

 

This morning, mewing loudly

The cat greeted me

She clearly wanted her breakfast

So I gave her mewsly

GREEN BELT

 

Planning regulations only apply

It seems, to the ordinary people

The rank and file

Those without power or influence

Or the means to fill brown envelopes

Because to Politicians and developers

The only green they understand

Is cold hard cash

And they think that the green belt

Is just an inferior grade in Judo

FLY TRAP

 

When you’ve been to the loo

And you’ve done what you must do

You give a little tap, tap, tap

To shake the drips of the old chap

But as you try to zip him back in

You catch a little bit of skin

Which really hurts your old chap

When he’s caught in the penis fly trap

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 98

 

One two buckle my shoe

Three, Four, Excuse me miss?

Do you have these in a size 10 sling-back?