My wife was tragically overcome
By a very unsavoury
hum
To which she did
succumb
As a result of the
deadly aroma
My wife of ten years,
Oma
Now lies prone in a
coma
But the main reason
I’m so glum
Is that the offending
noxious hum
Actually emanated from
my bum
So, my dear wife alas
and alack
Now lays motionless on
her back
Because of her husband’s
gas attack
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating his Christmas pie
He stuck in his thumb
After scratching his bum
Then offered to share his pie.
She was without her knickers at Twickers
There was a little
thatch at Brans Hatch
There was a blushing
fellow at Flushing Meadow
When she was legs
akimbo in the limo
Walkers’ crisps should be forced to comply
With trade description
legislation
And stop disappointing
their customers
With their artificial
flavourization
When purchasing a bag
of Walkers crisps
The connoisseur would
think it a mistake
If he was unable to
detect the distinct flavour
Of sweaty cagoule and
Kendal mint cake
I have a favourite type of girl,
Nothing wrong with
that
I love my ladies ample
Like beautiful Fat pat
Also Porkus Dorcas
And Obese Louise,
Glandular Angela
Gives me a good
squeeze
I love voluminous
I love them rounder
I love them full
bodied
Because rounder is
sounder
Since the snow began to fall
My wife has done
nothing at all
But stare blankly
through the window
As the snow lays snow
on snow
If it continues in
this way
We shall have a white
Christmas day
But my wife stares
through the glass
As the snow falls
thick and fast
Sadly, if it gets any
worse outside
I'll have to let her
come inside
Bimbette and Peaches were standing by a flagpole,
Looking up at it in a
rather puzzled way
When they were asked
what they were doing
By a pleasant young
man passing their way
“We're supposed to
find the height of this flagpole
But we don't have a
ladder” Said Bimbette with a frown
The young man took a
spanner from his pocket
Loosened a few bolts
and laid the flagpole down
He then took a tape
measure from his other pocket,
Took a few
measurements, and said it was 18 feet
Then he returned the
flagpole to its previous condition
And strode off
confidently down the street
Bimbette said “How
like a man!! give me strength,
You ask him for the height,
and he gives you the length
