72 Miles From The Sea

LOOSE MORALS #1

She was without her knickers at Twickers

There was a little thatch at Brans Hatch

There was a blushing fellow at Flushing Meadow

When she was legs akimbo in the limo

WALKERS BAGS OF TASTE # 2

Walkers’ crisps should be forced to comply

With trade description legislation

And stop disappointing their customers

With their artificial flavourization

When purchasing a bag of Walkers crisps

The connoisseur would think it a mistake

If he was unable to detect the distinct flavour

Of sweaty cagoule and Kendal mint cake

SEXUAL PREFERENCES # 2

I have a favourite type of girl,

Nothing wrong with that

I love my ladies ample

Like beautiful Fat pat

Also Porkus Dorcas

And Obese Louise,

Glandular Angela

Gives me a good squeeze

I love voluminous

I love them rounder

I love them full bodied

Because rounder is sounder

SNOW BLIND

Since the snow began to fall

My wife has done nothing at all

But stare blankly through the window

As the snow lays snow on snow

If it continues in this way

We shall have a white Christmas day

But my wife stares through the glass

As the snow falls thick and fast

Sadly, if it gets any worse outside

I'll have to let her come inside

THE MEASURE OF A MAN

Bimbette and Peaches were standing by a flagpole,

Looking up at it in a rather puzzled way

When they were asked what they were doing

By a pleasant young man passing their way

“We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole

But we don't have a ladder” Said Bimbette with a frown

The young man took a spanner from his pocket

Loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down

He then took a tape measure from his other pocket,

Took a few measurements, and said it was 18 feet

Then he returned the flagpole to its previous condition

And strode off confidently down the street

Bimbette said “How like a man!! give me strength,

You ask him for the height, and he gives you the length

MAKING DO

We certainly don’t have a lot

But we are content with what we’ve got

We may not be among the wealthiest

But we are certainly among the happiest

Because we don’t have to have the best of everything

We just make the best of everything we have

PASSIONATE DREAMS

I dream of passion

In lustful obsession, waking

Still unfulfilled