DOPEY BROTHER

 

My brother has a really bad habit

He smokes pot to excess you see

When he needs more from his dealer

He picks up the phone and hits the hash key

FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

 

Amidst the preparations

For the upcoming festivities

There has been a lot of demand

On the Church amenities

 

For those of us involved

In pulling the Christmas peel

Found the time to practise

Was far less than ideal

 

I found it difficult to fit it in

Around work and family needs

And often practised alone

At a very late hour indeed

 

One night it all got too much

The final straw I can’t remember

But as a result, I decided to tie

The bell rope around my member

 

I don’t know why it was

That I succumbed to the pressure

But I was discovered

And I was tolled off by the vicar

THANK GOD THAT’S OVER

 

I'm so glad I am leaving

It’s not before time

It’s like release from prison

After committing no crime

 

It’s a cause for celebration

Bring on the dancing girls

Crack open a bottle

Let’s get the flags unfurled

 

I’ve worked too many years

For Scrooge like employers

Today is a joyful occasion

It’s the greatest of pleasures

 

I'm so glad I am leaving

It’s all I have desired

Thank God the day has come

I’m so glad I’ve retired

I HAVE A LOVELY SON

 

I have a lovely son

He is my number one

He won’t be an only child

I hope for another one

But he is our first born

When all said and done

I won’t love him anymore

But he’ll always be number one

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 30

 

Hickory dickory dock

Something’s up with the clock

The clock’s struck dumb

The batteries run down

Useless bloody clock

PUT DOWN # 29

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“Let's go back to my place!”

Would be a line well known

So just reply to him

“I don't think we'll both fit under that stone!”

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – MELPOMÈNE (MUSE OF TRAGEDY)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The fifth was,

The divine Melpomène,

The one that is melodious,

Was firstly the muse of singing

To celebrate with dance and song

Then she became the muse of tragedy

And hid behind a tragic mask

A knife or club in her hand

Creator of beautiful lyrical phrases

Melpomène muse of Horace