THE FULL ENGLISH

 

I like the full English

When it comes to breakfast

Something substantial

For a satisfaction that will last

None of that continental rubbish

All foreign and nasty

And what’s the deal with a croissant

It’s nothing but an empty pasty

DOWN BY THE RIVERSIDE

 

Bimbette was out for a stroll by the river

And was enjoying the walk in the countryside

When she saw Peaches on the opposite bank

“Hi Peachy how do I get to the other side?”

Peaches looked at her with a puzzled expression

“You’re already there silly” she replied

BREATHE THROUGH IT

 

A young woman had a panic attack

A side effect of British Railways

My wife and I went to her aid

But I struggled to avert my gaze

From her heaving chesticles

“Big breaths” my wife instructed her

I was still staring at her puppies, and said

“No, but beautifully pert would-be fare”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 28

 

Doctor Foster

Went to Gloucester

On a railway train

But he got in a muddle

And got off at Bristol

And said “Oh shit not again”

PUT DOWN # 27

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he should say to you

“I could do things to you that you wouldn’t believe”

Simply reply to him

“Really? If I throw a stick, will you leave?'

PLAYING DRESS UP

To surprise her husband and add some spice

She dressed in tight black leather Basque

Six-inch stilettos heels, black stockings

Black garter belt and a leather mask

When he walked through the door he said

“Oi Batman what’s for dinner may I ask”? 

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – ERATO (MUSE OF EROTIC POETRY)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The third was,

The divine Erato,

Desired and lovely,

Was the muse of the lyric poets

A golden arrow in her hand

Muse of love verse

And of Erotic poetry

Erato the muse who charms the sight

And inspires love in everybody