SAFE AS SAFE

If flying is so safe

So safe you’re invulnerable

Why do they call?

The airport the terminal? 

SO SUPERIOR # 2

 

It’s ok to feel superior

To foreigners and heretics

As witchcraft plays little part

In British politics

YESH MUM

 

In a poll of the sexiest men of the last millennium

Sean Connery came top of the lot for my mum

This isn’t so much a poll though I would suggest

My mum considers it to be more of her to do list

GEE PEE

 

An embarrassed young man visited his GP

As he had a problem when he went to pee

The man explained when he went to tinkle

That he tended in fact to rather sprinkle

On examination of the man’s instrument

The doctor realized what the man meant

He found holes all along the length of it

Which would certainly make it leak a bit

The man enquired if it would get better

The doctor just scribbled a referral letter

He asked “is it to a Harley street specialist”

The doctor replied “no it’s to a clarinetist”

The man was stunned at the recommendation

And seeing him puzzled at his suggestion

The doctor said, “he specializes in beginners

And will tell you where to put your fingers”

ARE YOU WEARING LACE GARTERS?

 

Are you wearing lace garters?

Answer me that one for starters

Beneath your dress up high

Around your black clad thigh

Where the black sheath is stopping

Where they are lacy at the topping

Are there lacy garter rings

Sexily placed decorative things

Please answer this one for starters

Are you wearing lacy garters?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 290

Robin and Richard were two pretty men,

They laid in bed till the clock struck ten;

Then up starts Robin and looks at the sky:

"Oh, sod it Richard, the sun's very high!

Stop sniggering and pull on your knickers

Because we’re late for training at Twickers” 

THE LABORS OF HERACLES # 09: HIPPOLYTE'S BELT

 

Heracles when driven mad by the goddess Hera

Murdered his three children and his wife Megara

The Delphic oracle punished him for the murders

By ordering him to perform the Twelve Labors

The labors were set by king Eurystheus his cousin

The ninth Labor took Him to the land of the Amazon

To retrieve the belt of the amazon queen Hippolyte

A magical girdle for which he must probably fight

A race of fierce warrior women and great archers

Who were the first people to use mounted fighters

To get the belt as a gift for the daughter of Eurystheus

Heracles used other heroes among them Theseus

But as it turned out, the Amazon queen Hippolyte

Willingly gave Hercules her belt perhaps to be polite

But Hera was not about to let the hero off so easily

The goddess stirred up the Amazons very cleverly

With a rumor Heracles had captured their queen

And a great battle then ensued to vent their spleen 

But Heracles made off with the belt of Hippolyte

And Theseus an Amazon princess to their delight