MAN SIZE PROBLEMS

 

My son’s psychologist

Told me today that he has issues 

“Oh I know that” I said

“That’s why I give him the tissues”

WHAT GOES ARROUND

 

You know you’re getting old when you have to admit

That around the neck you’re about seventeen and a bit

While around the waist you need forty-four just to fit

And around the course whatever the par you’re over it

DARK AGES

They are now known to history as the dark ages

Not because the light failed to illuminate its pages

But because people refused to see it which enrages

CAN YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME?

I’ll tell you what I need

From this time hence

It’s what only you can provide

Your absence

PICKLED MODE

 

It’s not just that models are fickle

The reason they don’t eat pickles

It’s their heads that are the problem

And that’s where the causes stem

Though it may seem a little bizarre

Its coz they can't get them in the jar

ARE YOU WEARING A CORSET?

 

Are you wearing a corset?

All whalebone and string

A beautiful thing to behold

A lustfully sexy thing

Pulling you in at the waist

And redistributing everything

A little discomfort for you

In the whalebone and string

But it’s a small price to pay

For the joy it will bring

EMPLOY CAUTION

Potential Employees speak in a certain way

And they don’t always mean what they say

So, when they write you about their career

You should read between the lines I fear

When you’re wading through a job application

And it says, “I can handle a stressful situation”

It’s not true just because it’s in white and black

It simply means the applicant is on Prozac

 

When you’re wading through a job application

And it says, “I have a high level of motivation”

Then I wouldn’t consider this one for to long

They’ll be gone when a better job comes along

 

When you’re wading through a job application

And it says “I have skills in communication”

They are certainly exaggerating just a touch

What it means is that they talk too much

 

When you’re wading through a job application

And it says “I have skills in organization”

This one is actually easy to see through

They like to tell other people what to do

 

When you’re wading through a job application

“Taking pride in my work:” is the declaration 

The true meaning is really no great shakes

It means they blame others for their mistakes

When you’re wading through a job application

“I am eager and adaptable” is the declaration

This kind of statement simply isn’t worth a jot

It just means that they've changed jobs a lot

When you’re wading through a job application

“I’m willing to relocate:” is the declaration

The clue maybe on the head of the letter

Hey after prison almost any place is better